LOST & FOUND DEP'T.: Radio tower caper goes sideways

ASKING IS POLITE DEMANDING DEP'T.

GOOD EVENING! INDIGNITY is pleased to announce to our new readers, and to remind our old readers, that this newsletter is the home of ASK THE SOPHIST, the advice column that tells you what you want to hear.

Do you have a problem? Maybe you don't really have a problem, after all. Maybe it's someone else who has the problem, and you're just fine. Send your questions to The Sophist, at indignity@indignity.net, and get the answer you need. Maybe as soon as tomorrow!

Previously in ASK THE SOPHIST:

Why Does Your Husband Talk Funny When He's Drinking?

Can I Cheat Death by Skipping My Next Booster?

Can I Be in Love With My Friend, Please?

Is It Fair to Run Up the Football Score Against Outnumbered Eight-Year-Olds?

How Do I Cope With Being Blocked on Bluesky?

Is It Cool for Me to Rock Out?

Can I Escape My Winery Getaway?

Can I Read Something Mean About Ross Douthat's Memoir?

LOST & FOUND DEP'T.

Recently Missing in America

Two camper trailers valued at $5,000 apiece (from Sweetwater Valley Park in Paulding County, Georgia)

Sixteen tanks full of propane (from a locker outside a Dollar General store in Pana, Illinois, where an ATV apparently left tracks in the snow)

Sneakers, streetwear, figurines, and other merchandise valued at more than $100,000 (from a store called Hype Kingdom in Bellflower, California, after a "stolen government car" battered through the storefront, followed by a group of people)

An air compressor and various airplane-repair tools (from hangars at Fremont Airport in Fremont Ohio)

A miniature donkey named Jackie (from a fenced enclosure in Bethlehem, Connecticut)

A tent, hiking boots, golf clubs, and ammunition (from a storage unit on U.S. Route 70 West in McDowell County, North Carolina)

Jewelry valued at $25,000 (from display cases at the Macy's in Lihue, Hawaii, overnight during the store's going-out-of-business sale)

Recently Found in America

An inactive rocket-powered grenade round (in a home in Minneapolis, according to sheriff's deputies searching the property)

The potato pathogen Pectobacterium actinidiae (along with six other Pectobacterium species in samples from potato fields in Pennsylvania showing soft rot and blackleg symptoms, the first recorded apparance of P. actinidiae in the United States)

A 7.46-carat brown diamond (on muddy ground at Crater of Diamonds State Park in Murfreesboro, Arkansas, by a French tourist who'd rented a diamond-hunting kit)

Credit card skimmers (at checkouts at both Walmart stores in Rapid City, South Dakota)

Fragments of chewed-up money adding up to $3,550 (in the feces of a dog that ate $4,000 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania)

A horse and buggy (on U.S. Route 12 in Sturgis, Michigan, after being reported stolen from the horse-parking section of the Sturgis Walmart parking lot)

Copper wire (at a scrap yard in Paris, Texas, after having allegedly been cut out of the wreckage when someone knocked down the 500-foot KITV-FM radio tower in Hugo, Oklahoma)

EASY LISTENING DEP’T.

INDIGNITY MORNING PODCAST

Indignity Morning Podcast No. 203: Higher education.

Tom Scocca • Jan 23, 2024

BLUESKY DEPARTMENT

READERS OF INDIGNITY who have previously benefited from the Bluesky-code generosity of other readers of Indignity are now daily paying it forward and providing us with even more codes for the still-beta social network. If you haven’t already gotten a code from us, we have lots of codes. Email indignity@indignity.net and we will award Bluesky codes to those who respond, one per reader, first email, first served.

SANDWICH RECIPES DEP’T.

WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of sandwiches from The Butterick Book of Recipes and Household Helps, published by the Butterick Publishing Company in 1927, now in the Public Domain and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.

SANDWICHES AND SANDWICH FILLINGS

ANCHOVY BUTTER
Yolks of 4 hard-cooked eggs
4 boned anchovies
1/2 cup butter
Paprika

Rub the yolks of the hard-cooked eggs to a smooth paste with the anchovies and butter and add paprika to taste.

PEANUT BUTTER AND FRUIT
1/4 cup figs
1/4 cup raisins
2 tablespoons light corn-sirup
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup peanut butter

Wash figs and raisins and put through a food-chopper. Add salt, peanut butter, lemon-juice and corn-sirup, and mix well.

PEANUT BUTTER AND BANANA
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/4 cup cream or hot water
Lemon-juice
1/2 cup banana pulp or 2 bananas

Mix the peanut butter with the cream until smooth and light in color, then combine with banana pulp and lemon-juice, or slice banana over layer of peanut butter on bread.

PEANUT BUTTER AND PICKLE
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup chopped pickle
1/4 cup hot water

Cream peanut butter and water together and add chopped pickle.

If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.

MARKETING DEP'T.

The second printing of 19 FOLK TALES is now available for belated Holiday gift-giving and personal perusal! Huddle up against the cold with a cozy collection of stories, each of which is concise enough to read within the snowy part of a wintry-mix storm.

HMM WEEKLY MINI-ZINE, Subject: GAME SHOW, Joe MacLeod’s account of his Total Experience of a Journey Into Television, expanded from the original published account found here at Hmm Daily. The special MINI ZINE features other viewpoints related to an appearance on, at, and inside the teevee game show Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, available for purchase at SHOPULA.

FLAMING HYDRA will launch in January of 2024. The FLAMING HYDRA Holiday Preview Spectacular, a rich sampling of the writing and art you’ll enjoy as a subscriber to the forthcoming daily newsletter, is available now for your inspection. FLAMING HYDRA is the work of 60 world-class talents, but that’s just one reason to subscribe. FLAMING HYDRA is a 100% cooperatively owned, ad-free publication with no owners and no investors; just a bunch of writers and artists working together and splitting the proceeds equally.

INDIGNITY is a general-interest publication for a discerning and self-selected audience. We appreciate and depend on your support!