MR WRONG: Worth the weight
Indignity Vol. 4, No. 200
COLUMN DEP’T.
MR WRONG: My Celebrity Diet Is Feeling Good About Yourself
DON’T STOP ME if you’ve heard this before, because you’ve heard this before: I need to lose a few pounds! If I don’t stay under a certain weight, the miSEry in mY bAck asserts itself beyond all that my highly effective and goofy-looking physical therapy exercises can control. Ow!
So! I am not exactly strict and Disciplined with my diet, but I try and make healthy choices. Also, I don’t beat myself up if I oops and make a non-healthy! For example, right now I have a lot of work to do—exclusive of typing today’s Mr. Wrong column—and there’s a buncha deadlines all over my ass and I been pulling some late nights and early wake’m ups, and I’m a little sad, so tonight for dinner I had a frozen pizza, because that makes me happy while I am being sad at my desk.
Also, helpers, yes, I know! I don’t need a dietitian to tell me that flying almost an entire Red Baron into my pizza-hole is not a good idea as far as controlling the amount of fat my back is cantilevered against, I’m workin’ on it!
This reminds me, I don’t understand why people are mad at other people who are getting these semi-gluteus maximus shots or whatever they ’em, to lose weight. It seems to me, like the Famous and not-so-Famous celebrities I see on the internet and teevee who are having the visually-apparent weight loss, they are people who have been losing the same 10, 20, 50 pounds for decades, like me. I am like a Famous!
So like, Famous or no, many of these individuals are doing the Drugs for the original invented-by-science reason of fixing their blood sugar numbers or however it works, so they maybe can keep off of a needle for the diabetes, right? Why would you deny somebody a chance to lose their sugarfoot and also maybe lose a few lbs.?
Of course, I have heard things about these Drugs, and you gotta be careful. Personally, I am not in the zone on the scale where I would wanna get shot up with some stuff that makes me lose interest in food, because food is one of my greatest joys in being a conscious human, seriously, I know you know how I was telling you about being sad and having sad food, but also, I enjoy food for celebratory purposes, one of the greatest things in Life is a festive luncheon, but also, if I was more than my normal amount of one hole tighter on my belt than is comfortable, I wouldn’t say no to taking a shot at a shot, just saying.
It’s all about how you feel, right? Well, lemme tell you, some people don’t feel great carrying around an extra half-buck or full hunski, OK? It’s not for everybody, and also not for everybody is being able to eat the way they might need to to keep the weight down. Don’t fucking judge somebody for wanting to fit into smaller pants they bought on sale and now they’re bigger than the pants!
People have all kindsa reasons for wanting to lose a few, and this is America, still, and you are supposed to be able to be all you can be, and that includes less, no shame! Don’t make somebody feel bad for wanting to lose weight and also-don’t make somebody feel bad for not being able to, OK? Some people have highly efficient fat-storage cells, it’s a gift!
You should be Positive about your body and not let anybody be Negative about your positivity! Thank you.
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, November 13, 2024
★★★ Now it was cold enough for looping inconclusive conversations about what to wear out the door to school—the parka? The parka shell? Whatever would get it over with. The light was bright enough to make park benches gleam like ice in the distance; the dogs were wearing clothes. Leaves kept their curl, resting lightly above their shadows, ready to scrape to somewhere else if new wind found them. The sun just past noon stood insultingly low in the sky, claiming a half-day's work for barely enough effort to make a summer morning. Juncos peeped. Acorns pressed against the sneaker sole with every step across the grass. A tall ginkgo, holding out past all its neighbor trees, had become the most ornamental presence on its stretch of lawn.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast.
Tom Scocca
Click on this box to find the Indignity Morning Podcast archive.
TOM SCOCCA
THOUGHT DEP’T.
Do you have a thought? Send it to indignity@indignity.net.
ADVICE DEP'T.
GOT SOMETHING YOU need to justify to yourself, or to the world at large? Other columnists are here to judge you, but The Sophist is here to tell you why you’re right. Direct your questions to The Sophist, at indignity@indignity.net, and get the answers you want.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected from California Mexican-Spanish Cook Book; Selected Mexican and Spanish Recipes, by Bertha Haffner-Ginger, published in 1914, now in the Public Domain and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
Mexican Sandwiches
Remove seeds from chiles, green and red, if canned, chop fine; if raw, roast or scald and peel; first fry separately in a little butter, salt to taste, little lemon juice, don't brown. Spread between layers of thickly cut white and brown bread alternately, with one slice of bread buttered and sprinkle thickly with grated cheese; the color effect is pretty when cut in fancy shapes and served on crisp lettuce leaf, or mix red and green chile together; fry, cool, add grated cheese, spread on tortillas that have been dipped in hot butter, roll lightly, fasten with toothpick; garnish with sprig parsley; serve on crisp lettuce leaves.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
MARKETING DEP'T.
We have SOLD OUT of the second printing of 19 Folktales. Thanks to all who purchased copies, we hope you enjoy them, or give them to people who will enjoy, and if we can raise the capital for a Third Printing, you will find out about it here!
