MR WRONG: Weather Permitting
Indignity Vol. 4, No. 122
COLUMN DEP’T.
MR WRONG: Now Is the Summer of My Content
WHAT ARE YOU doing, are you having a good Summer? I hope you are having a good Summer, seriously, I hope you did not have your home destroyed by a tornado or a hurricane and I hope you did not die because you went out in Nature, like the the Grand Canyon or someplace like that and you got boiled to death in the heat, and I hope you are not a dog or a child who got left in a fucking car and died from the heat. I am kinda setting a low bar for what a Good Summer is, but these are the times we live in, eh?
Not that you asked, but I am having a good Summer. A coupla weeks ago I went and stayed in a cabin on a river and in a week or so I am going to stay in a cabin on a lake, which, no offense, is more fun for me on account of I have an inflatable kayak, and it’s not relaxing to put one of those in a river because the river has an agenda, in terms of water-flow, and so if you are in a floaty thing, you have to exert yourself to not get carried away to Parts Unknown by the current. In the case of where I stayed a few weeks ago, Parts Unknown includes a dam, and it has a waterfall or whatever the part of the dam is, that lets water go over it, a spillway, is that a thing? Anyway, I am not certain if it would be Certain Death, to get caught up in the river’s current and sent over the dam, but let’s say yeah, as far as I am concerned, it means Death, so here I am back to my low bar of expectations, OK?
High Adventure, excitement, I crave not these things! Climbing rocks, going into the Grand Canyon, whitewater rafts, that stuff is not My Summer Vacation, no no, I am all about Low Adventure, yes yes. Going to a movie just for the air conditioning. Shopping for groceries at midnight because it’s cooler outside and there’s less chance of my Klondike Bars melting on the way home, this is The Way of My Summer Vacation. Low Adventure!
During the daylight, weather permitting, I will be waist deep in soothing lake water, drinking a refreshing Adult Beverage and staring at the sky, good times! Then I will clamber into my inflatable kayak and paddle around aimlessly, or just drift, even more aimlessly, that’s my favorite thing to do, not the Tokyo Drift, just OG drifting, floating along. At night, I will—again, weather permitting— be down by the shore of the lake looking up at the Heavens, and all the kajillion-katrillions of stars that will be visible if there aren’t any clouds. It’s trippy how many stars you can see when there’s no lights from the street and the buildings and stuff. It’s wild, you start to really feel like you are on a Round Earth in Space, and you are a fucking speck of insignificance, and you are unimportant, all that matters is being grateful for what you might have, and to be nice, because it’s nice to be Nice. Under a good black and Moonless Summer sky you can also see meteors shoot by, and more and more teeny little satellites flying around. I keep wondering when the Earth’s Orbit is gonna be full, you know? Lotta Space Trash up there, seems like a good business opportunity.
Meanwhile, here in my castle in Baltimore, where it was 104 degrees the other day, oof, I am also having a really good Summer, staying out of the heat and enjoying my tiny but effective swimming pool. It is not something I woulda built on my property on purpose, it came with the house, but now I can’t imagine life without it. If I go for a hot Summer walk (which is not a good idea), I can cool off immediately in my MICRO-POOL™. If I am outside doing something in the heat (which is not a good idea), I can redeem myself by sliding into my own personal refreshing body of water.
Gentle Reader of the Mr. Wrong column, it is a very Unpleasant time. There will be time enough for more Bad Times in the Fall, I mean, already they are hawkin’ the Back To School crap at us, ugh, so my Summer wish for you is a cool breeze and a calm mind.
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, July 17, 2024
★★★★ Morning was dark, and the child who took out the garbage said he thought he felt a few drops along the way, but the storms weren't due yet. One person went by under an umbrella, and then things brightened, till a thin film of cloud left the blue visible and the sun free to beat down. The heat had the personal but mechanical force of a hair dryer; it was hard to believe it could really be like that for everyone at the same time. A little after six some real pattering rain arrived, though not strongly enough to drive a man indoors from puttering among plants on a high-floor terrace, and within the half-hour it was gone. After 9 the thunder came, with a real downpour. Clumps of rain blew past lighted windows like smoke. Patches of lightning flashed on the zenith and all around the sky, followed by a flash strong enough to light up every direction at once. The rain splashed so hard it raised a floating mist. Now the lightning was strobe-bright, and chilled puffs of air were moving amid the tumult. It was time to wipe the bird dropping off the back of the wrought-iron chair, unused for days and days, and sit in the flickering dark while drops blew in on the balcony, landing cool on bare arms and legs. The sky flashed pink and then pure white again. With each glance down at the notebook, the dim page would flare in the light from above.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
CLICK ON THIS box to find today's Indignity Morning Podcast.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected for afternoon tea from Mrs. Ericsson Hammond's Salad Appetizer Cook Book, by Maria Matilda Ericsson Hammond. Published in 1924, and now in the Public Domain and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
Brown and White Bread and Butter Sandwich à la Checkers
Sandwiches de Tartines à la Checkers
Cut twelve slices of brown bread, two slices for each sandwich; stir the butter to a cream and butter six of the slices, put the other slices on top of each. Cut white bread that is fresh in thin slices and butter them, then cut off these slices of buttered bread small strips less than a half inch, all even width, and put them on top of the brown sandwich in checkers, three of the strips lengthwise and three across with the buttered side down, threading them in and out. This will make the sandwich in six checkers. Trim it all around and decorate it with stirred butter to taste. If these sandwiches are wanted smaller, cut them across triangularly. Arrange them on a platter and garnish with parsley and strips of green pepper. Serve for afternoon tea.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
MARKETING DEP'T.
Supplies are really and truly running low of the second printing of 19 FOLK TALES, still available for gift-giving and personal perusal! Sit in the crushing heat with a breezy collection of stories, each of which is concise enough to read before the thunderstorms start.
LESS THAN 10 COPIES LEFT: HMM WEEKLY MINI-ZINE, Subject: GAME SHOW, Joe MacLeod’s account of his Total Experience of a Journey Into Television, expanded from the original published account found here at Hmm Daily. The special MINI ZINE features other viewpoints related to an appearance on, at, and inside the teevee game show Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, and is available for purchase at SHOPULA.
