MR WRONG: Sunny side down
Indignity Vol. 5, No. 37
COLUMN DEP’T.
MR WRONG: Trump Take Egg: My Take
I LOOK AT stuff on the internet all the time and there’s this thing on the Bluesky web site where people put up a photo of a bare spot at the grocery store, where there’s usually eggs, and they put “Trump take egg,” because 1.) there are no eggs to purchase at the place where they expect to be able to purchase some eggs, and, B.) It’s now on the President of The United States (POTUS). Ergo, Trump take egg!
I’m not gonna lie, I put some “Trump take egg” stuff up there too, because, well, Trump take egg.
Like, I’m not saying this thing started out because POTUS wanted to take our right to eggs away, but POTUS is POTUS, so it’s up to POTUS to fucking fix it, see? There’s no egg! So, because America loves to roast people on the Internet, it boils down to “Trump take egg,” OK? You break Egg-merica, you own it! Trump take egg!
It’s the Colin Powell Doctrine! You break that thing, you own it! It’s not fair, there is no fair for POTUS, Trump take egg!
POTUS owns egg! So POTUS take egg, because POTUS break egg, got it? Trump take egg!
There’s all kindsa stuff POTUS could be doing right now to fix the chickens, but he’s got this wackadoo anti-vaccination guy in there who thinks having some Icon-initials means they get to be smart about things. I ain’t even gonna get into this guy, though, because it’s all over the Internet like The Measles is all over Texas, umkay? Also, though: Trump take egg.
We already got sick chickens and sick cows all over, behind this bird disease, and sick milk! Jeepers, there’s some people who got sick because they got near the sick cows and birds, and the Legacy Initials bonehead (picked by POTUS) who is running the show just cancelled a meeting to figure out next year’s flu shots?!? Fucking flu shots! The normal Science shit that gets done on the regular to help keep the body count down when the flu makes its seasonal appearance! Normal fucking Science that’s worked perfectly well for years! Polio vaccine! Measles! Plus, Trump take egg!
Seriously, I think these weirdos are fucking Malthusian or whatever, they want to thin the herd! They want to let millions of people on the Planet get sick and die, as long as it’s not them, and that’s the funny thing, because how are they gonna keep this shit away? I think a buncha kabillionaires bought New Zealand or whatever, but if the Dinosaur movies have taught us anything it is that Life finds a way! You can buy shit, but you can’t hide! Trump take egg!
I’m sorry, I veered. My topic was supposed to be Trump Take Egg, and I got into the whole Bird thing, I apologize. I got a flu shot this year, did you? I wonder what the flu shot is gonna be next year? You know they use eggs to make the flu vaccine, right? Dammit, I’m still veering, gotta focus! I can’t focus! Trump take egg!
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, February 26, 2025
★★★★ The real balmy weather was at hand. People were out in sweaters or sweatshirts, or letting puffy jackets hang unzipped. With so many frigid or snowy days in the ledger, the warmth had temporarily lost its edge of horror. The sky and the clouds were slightly but meaningfully more intensely blue and white. A passing stranger declared that the haircut, with the sun and the breeze working on it, belonged in the movies—the kind of movies with guns. A trail of clouds like overlapping parentheses drifted over Seventh Avenue. Other clouds were plumed or pebbled or gone gently blurry. The sun found gold new growth high up in the pagoda trees on 16th Street. The inventory of long underwear on the shelves was reduced but not entirely gone, for colder days in colder latitudes to come.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast.
Tom Scocca
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TOM SCOCCA
ADVICE DEP'T.
GOT SOMETHING YOU need to justify to yourself, or to the world at large? Other columnists are here to judge you, but The Sophist is here to tell you why you’re right. Direct your questions to The Sophist, at indignity@indignity.net, and get the answers you want.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected from Balanced Meals with Recipes: Food Values, Drying and Cold Pack Canning Menus, with and Without Meat, Box Luncheons, by Members of the Lake View Woman's Club, Chicago, Illinois, published in 1917, and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
SANDWICH FILLINGS
All leftovers of salads, scrambled eggs, cheese, vegetables, and meat can be used for sandwich fillings.
Fancy butter for sandwiches: Beat one-quarter pound butter to a cream, mix in one-half cup stiffly beaten cream, season lightly with mustard, salt, and a dash of cayenne. This will keep two weeks in a cool place. Butter for sandwiches is always better if beaten to a cream.
—Mrs. S. D. Snow.
SANDWICH FILLINGS
- Cottage cheese and chopped dates.
- Equal parts macerated dates and peanut butter.
- Equal parts chopped nuts and chopped olives.
- Cottage cheese and chopped nuts moistened with cream.
—Mrs. E. T. COOKE.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
