MR WRONG: Stuck in the tunnel
Indignity Vol. 4, No. 210
COLUMN DEP’T.
MR WRONG: Before the Vacation Comes the Working
I CAN TELL it is right before The Holidays because I am in The Tunnel.
The Tunnel! I can hear a faint tunnel-sound on the sides of my head where my ears are, and my brain, in between my ears, most of it, large parts of it anyway, feels like it is moving really fast, like in the Star Wars where they go super-Science-Fiction fast! It’s like, they are in the spaceship, propelled into a tunnel, made outta streaks of light, except it’s, in my case, a tunnel made outta, I dunno, Confusion? Panic? Thought-noise? WHHOOOOOOooossshhhhh! What the hell am I doing?
I have a buncha work stuff to take care of before I can take a long The Holidays Weekend, and I am starting to get mixed up about what day it is right now and what day is the thing I am supposed to be working on for what day, etc.
Today is Tuesday. It's right before The Holidays. I have to look at the little line on the top of my computer monitor to see what day it is, Tuesday! The Mr. Wrong column usually appears on the pixels of Indignity on Thursday, but I don’t have that Thursday-type feeling right now, I mean, I don’t have that thing where, as I am typing the words to the Mr. Wrong column, it feels like they will appear on Thursday. I am a creature of habit, I think, even though I have to type the Mr. Wrong column before Thursday—or at least no later than Thursday—this week I'm in The Tunnel! What?
For example, today (Tuesday, which will be probably three days ago) I worked on posts for the Indignity Morning Podcast, and then for Indignity for today—or tomorrow, Wednesday, depending on what time it is—and then also the Indignity posts for Thursday and Friday, since I will be, in a common shared experience, in a motor vehicle on Interstate I-95 on Wednesday, which is still tomorrow right now, for me, relativity-wise, and then I will be enjoying an extended Holiday Weekend. I have no fucking idea what's going on.
I have a buncha work to do, and I just de-railed myself and drew a Thanksgiving Hand Turkey that I thought was funny, and I think I'm getting punchy or something, because it's crackin' me up.
Right? The Hand Turkey looks kinda mean, and it's not a traditional Hand Turkey, consisting of four extended fingers and a thumb, get it? I don't know what I'm doing, did I say that already? I like this Hand Turkey, though. I admire its spirit.
I'm not mad or anything any more than usual about anything in particular, I just thought it was funny, somehow it was a good idea, it was Important, to set my Important Work aside to create this Hand Turkey, which I am sure is not any kind of original Thought, Hand Turkey-wise, there's gotta be a kabillion middle-finger Hand Turkeys out there on the internet, and I don't want to see any of them, but I still think the one I made is funny, and it's not a commentary on Thanksgiving or anything, I mean, I really dig Thanksgiving! Careful readers of the Mr. Wrong column have gotta know that by now, and usually I do a whole thing right before Thanksgiving all about Thanksgiving, but I kinda did that in last week's Mr. Wrong column, and this week we're running things out of the usual order on account of The Holiday, which is why, (I think) you are reading this edition of the Mr. Wrong column on Friday, after Thanksgiving, but look, I don't know what day it is any more, but it's always a good day to take a moment to thank you, the Gentle Reader of the Mr. Wrong column, for your kind interest in everything we do here at Indignity, and I hope you have a peaceful day, whatever day it is. Draw a Hand Turkey any time you want.
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
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TOM SCOCCA
ADVICE DEP'T.
GOT SOMETHING YOU need to justify to yourself, or to the world at large? Other columnists are here to judge you, but The Sophist is here to tell you why you’re right. Direct your questions to The Sophist, at indignity@indignity.net, and get the answers you want.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected from The Butterick Book of Recipes and Household Helps, published in 1927 by the Butterick Publishing Company, Butterick Building, New York, and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
ICE-CREAM SANDWICHES
Devil’s food, angel cake, sponge cake, butter cake, or éclair or cream-puff shells may be the foundation of many a delicious ice cream sandwich. Between thin slices of any of the cakes, or between halves of pastry shells, place a serving of ice-cream of a flavor to blend well with the cake. Brick ice-cream, of course, is the easiest to cut. Cover with chocolate, butterscotch, marshmallow, or fruit sauce, either hot or cold, and top with nuts of various kinds, coconut, or pieces of fresh or canned fruit.
For example, between thin slices of gold or white cake place a serving of vanilla ice-cream and three or four tablespoons of crushed fresh strawberries. Over the whole pour plain marshmallow sauce or whipped cream and garnish with several tablespoons of crushed strawberries. Fill a cream-puff shell with peach ice-cream and pour over it a peach sirup, topped with whipped cream. Chocolate or vanilla ice-cream placed between layers of white cake or angel food is delicious covered with a thick fudge sauce.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
