MR WRONG: Stealing summer from the children

COLUMN DEP’T.

MR WRONG: School in August Is a Crime

I CANNOT FUCKING believe school has started already for The Children here in Baltimore, MD. This is ridiculous, they (and you know who They are) started the new school year on August 26, 2024, here in the Common Era, which is a thing that Today I Learned about, how you can say the Common Era instead of saying anno Domini, which is a Jesus thing, ante Christum natum and anno Domini nostri Jesu Christi–wise. 

I learned that today, the Era stuff, and I’m not even in school! I believe Learning is a year-round Lifetime activity, but also, I really fucking hate school. It is not unlike Gaol! I have said this many times, but almost every day of my life when I wake up or at least regain Consciousness, I am immediately fucking Grateful that I don’t fucking have to go to School, ugh! Bleah! 

It’d be different if I was getting paid to go to school, of course, but if I was an Educator no fucking way no effing how would I be OK with this school-in-August bullshit! How did this happen? I weep for The Children, and their Educators. It’s warm out, it’s fucking Summer for fuck’s sake, how can you expect kids to concentrate when it’s Summer?

Also, I know there are lotsa parents who have been posting pictures on their Social Medias showing how their kids are frowny-faced and they, the parents are happy, but this weather, it’s for heatstroke and stuff, it’s August, and I have also said this before, what I am about to type, but it’s almost as if the weather is changing on a Global level, you know? 

Double-also, today as I am typing this column here in Baltimore, Maryland, America, Earth, the temperature got up to 95, and the Heat Thing was 108 degrees of Fahrenheit! It’s been like 95 percent humidity all day. This morning, I opened the front door of my castle and breathed in something not unlike soup! I stayed inside all day. The Children (and the Educators) should not be going out to and back from school in this air! For breathing, today, the very air we are supposed to breathe, was rated “POOR,” for breathing! 

It used to be, in Our Great Nation, that you didn’t go to school until Summer was over, which on the astronomical calendar is not until September 22 this year, but generally we looked at Labor Day as being the death rattle of a fun-filled Summer. Sometimes the Autumnal equinox arrives on September 23 instead, and on an extremely erratic centuries-or-millennia scale it can even arrive on September 21 or 24. That makes two things I Learned now, today, without having to go to school! Labor Day also moves around, but it always belongs to and punctuates Vacation Season.  

But not in Baltimore! The children are back in school and it is full-on Summer! The Maryland State Fair is still going on, with the Midway and the Award-Winning Tobacco, and the children are missing Summer at the Fair! Or at least being able to sit inside at home and do nothing! Video games! Snacks! They are in Summer School! It is a Punishment! What did they do to deserve this except have no power over their own Fate? It’s because they can’t vote and stuff, that’s why nobody gives a shit about The Children having to go Back To School in fucking August!

The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.  

WEATHER REVIEWS

New York City, August 28, 2024

★★★ The clouds were stretched loose like a layer of cotton batting over the stuffy, insulated day. Spikes of seeds ready to scatter on contact reached out toward passersby. Stray dry grit crunched underfoot. The ping of an aluminum bat announced, far away in the glare across the otherwise empty fields, a lightly attended batting-practice session. Sweat was loosening the day-old medical adhesive on the back of the wrist from beneath, where scrubbing from above had failed to dislodge it. Fifth Avenue lay in sudden cloud shadow, accompanied by an equally sudden refreshing breeze. By 4:30 the wind had turned hot, and the diamonds were even emptier than before. One person was hitting grounders to another, and by the nearest field a man lay on the dugout in the shade, a cap tipped over his eyes and a bat between his knees. Insect buzzing vibrated in the ear or in the skull behind the ear. Was this the last peak of the heat? In the evening, a strange three-lobed formation of mottled silver cloud spread out on the northwestern sky.

EASY LISTENING DEP'T.

HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast.

Indignity Morning Podcast No. 322: A lot of Israeli military sourcing.

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INDIGNITYTom Scocca

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INDIGNITY MORNING PODCAST

Tom Scocca reads you the newspaper.

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THOUGHT DEP’T.

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SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.

WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected from The Swedish, French, American Cook Book, by Mrs. Maria Mathilda Ericsson Hammond, published in 1918, and now in the Public Domain and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.

Tongue Sandwiches (Sandwiches à la Langue)

Take one cup cooked, smoked tongue that has gone through the machine until fine; stir two tablespoons butter to a cream; add the tongue; stir again; add pepper and salt to taste. Cut bread very thin and butter it; spread with the tongue, with a little mustard; put another slice of buttered bread on the top; trim the crust all around; cut in triangle shapes. Arrange on a fancy paper doily, one resting on top of the other in the form of a ring. Garnish with parsley in the centre. Serve for afternoon tea. Also good for picnics, etc. [Ham and chicken can be used in the same way.]

If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net. 

MARKETING DEP'T.

Supplies are really and truly running low of the second printing of 19 FOLK TALES, still available for gift-giving and personal perusal! Sit in the crushing heat with a breezy collection of stories, each of which is concise enough to read before the thunderstorms start.

LESS THAN 5 COPIES LEFT: HMM WEEKLY MINI-ZINE, Subject: GAME SHOW, Joe MacLeod’s account of his Total Experience of a Journey Into Television, expanded from the original published account found here at Hmm Daily. The special MINI ZINE features other viewpoints related to an appearance on, at, and inside the teevee game show Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, and is available for purchase at SHOPULA.

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