MR WRONG: Leisure time overtime
Indignity Vol. 4, No. 132
COLUMN DEP'T.
MR WRONG: There's No Vacation From Vacation
FIRST OF ALL before I get into typing today’s Mr. Wrong column I would like to congratulate the winner of the Mr. Wrong Goes On Vacation postcard contest—or whatever I called it, I’m not great at naming things—where I offered an old-school analog US MAIL postcard, US MAILed to your house if you electronically mailed me at wrongcolumn@gmail.com. Some of you did, and I picked a winner and mailed them a postcard from my currently Undisclosed Location here in Schroon Lake, NY.
I don’t want to say who won because I don’t know how long it takes for mail to go from Schroon Lake to [REDACTED] where the winner resides, and I don’t want to SPOILER ALERT the surprise, but I will be following up with the Winner when I get back from Vacation, but ideally, because I am lazy, it’d be great for the Winner to go ahead and email me when you get the postcard. You don’t have to thank me or anything, I am thanking YOU for playing my reindeer game, and for your support of the Mr. Wrong column, and deeper still, the INDIGNITY enterprise upon whose coattails I ride. If you don’t give money to keep INDIGNITY going, I’m not mad at you, but I don’t like you as much as the Gentle Readers who lay their cash on the barrelhead for all INDIGNITY has to offer! The flagship Intellectual property is THE WORST THING WE READ™ where the Editor of INDIGNITY kicks the crap out of some writering and bad people out there. It’s the Crown Jewel in the INDIGNITY firmament, and now that we figured out how to make the thing work so that you can’t read it unless you support INDIGNITY in a very Real and Financial way, you can’t read it, unless you support INDIGNITY in a very Real and Financial way! We’re not trying to be mean, we just need a little somethin’ for the effort, guv’nah.
I mean, I’m not complaining, OK? I’m just saying, I am out here enjoying my second week of Vacation, this time in a Rustic (but not too rustic, we got electricity and a flush toilet) Cabin on the shore of Schroon Lake, where I am currently enjoying a Hearty Breakfast, but I’ve got the laptop on the Breakfast table with me, and I’m typing this week’s column. Always Be Columning!
Also, I am the guy who presses the button on The Indignity Morning Podcast, as many days as we can Cast it, and that’s FREE, fuckos, don’t cost nothing, and it is the powerful Brain Emanations of the Editor of INDIGNITY, who reads the New York Times every fucking day, and then has cogent and coherent things to say about that shit! You’re welcome! Plus it's always under 10 minutes! No bullshit!
Anyway, I’m not out here on my Vacation getting mad about any of you out there who aren’t throwing a few bucks at INDIGNITY, and I am not unaware of how fortunate I am to be able to have two weeks of Vacation in one of my favorite places on Earth that is not Las Vegas, and here at my idyllic spot on the lake, in the pleasant heat and breezy humidity, I have Time and Peace, and I can reflect on stuff, as I watch the ripples on the lake, catching the sun, and I sincerely appreciate anybody who reads INDIGNITY, even if they don’t give us any cash to support it, for real, thank you, but if you have any Discretionary dough, we’d appreciate that as well, you know?
Also we do the SANDWICHES thing almost every day, and some people don’t like it, but you don’t have to read that part, it’s why we put it near the end, but yeah, we Always Be Sandwiching, deal with it! Thank you.
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, July 31, 2024
★★ Deception was the order of the day. First came the morning sky turning dark enough for grabbing umbrellas, though the weather app insisted there was no rain to be seen. After that passed, rainlessly, the view out the window turned welcoming, with clean light and white clouds—a mismatch with the stale heaviness of the outdoor air. A man on the downtown platform wore a plaid shirt over a t-shirt, with jeans; at closer range, his face under his sunglasses was glistening with sweat. Seventy blocks in the train air conditioning put an ache into the knees that the Herald Square station immediately baked away. A sour smell clung to Sixth Avenue. "The whole city smells," an eastbound passerby said, but uptown again the odors would be pleasant, though the air would still be hard to breathe. Before that, though, there was the afternoon light, direct from the sun and reflecting off the clouds, filling the huge void where the Hotel Pennsylvania had been, bouncing off a blank white wall obstructed for generations. Toward bedtime, the living room air conditioner that sounds like rain was briefly drowned out by the sound of real rain on the front of the apartment.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
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SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected from Mrs. Ericsson Hammond's Salad Appetizer Cook Book, by Maria Matilda Ericsson Hammond. Published in 1924, and now in the Public Domain and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
First, we forgot the HOW TO MAKE IT part from yesterday's recipe so we are running it in full.
Tongue Mustard Sandwiches à la Mathilda
Sandwiches de Langue, Remoulade å1 la Mathilde
Cut thin slices from a well-cooked tongue on a bias from the head part; cut as many slices as needed for the sandwiches, then cut twelve slices of bread, two for each sandwich. Take a half cup of ground tongue and mix it with two tablespoons of butter and a teaspoon of mustard; season with pepper and salt and stir it until nice and smooth, then spread it on six of the slices of bread, put one of the other slices of bread on top of each and butter the sandwich on the top. Place on top of that the thin slices of tongue and trim the sandwiches all around then cut them in triangles. Glaze them with some artificial aspic and decorate them in checkers on the top with stirred butter. Arrange them on green lettuce leaves in the form of a ring on a platter and garnish with the heart of the lettuce in the center. These sandwiches can be served for afternoon teas.
How to Make It. Slice the bread very thin, two slices for each sandwich; spread the slice of bread with mayonnaise dressing, the rest of the mayonnaise dressing mix with the chicken and lettuce, season with pepper and salt and a pinch of mustard. Coat six of the slices of bread with the mixture; the other slices of bread, put one on top of each and press them down firmly; trim them all around and cut them out with a large heart cutter. Arrange them on a platter and on each sandwich make a star from seven short strips of Spanish pepper and put a round piece of truffle for the center of the star. Arrange them on the platter in form of a ring with cress in the center. If for picnic cut them in oblong shape across. Sandwiches can be made the same way from lamb, ham, and tongue.
Ham Sandwich à la Virginian
Sandwich de Jambon à la Virginienne
For Six Persons
Six slices of bread, one cup of grated Virginia ham, eight stuffed olives, three spoons of butter, pepper and salt to taste.
How to Make It. Cut the bread out with a heart cutter; stir the butter to a cream, then add the grated ham and two olives that have been finely chopped. Spread the bread thin with the mixture; the rest put in a paper bag that holds a fancy tube. Decorate all around the sandwich with the ham, and in the center put a large rose of it, and on top of the rose put a stuffed olive. Arrange on a platter with the point in and the wide part out in the form of a ring. Garnish with parsley and serve before the soup.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
MARKETING DEP'T.
Supplies are really and truly running low of the second printing of 19 FOLK TALES, still available for gift-giving and personal perusal! Sit in the crushing heat with a breezy collection of stories, each of which is concise enough to read before the thunderstorms start.
LESS THAN 5 COPIES LEFT: HMM WEEKLY MINI-ZINE, Subject: GAME SHOW, Joe MacLeod’s account of his Total Experience of a Journey Into Television, expanded from the original published account found here at Hmm Daily. The special MINI ZINE features other viewpoints related to an appearance on, at, and inside the teevee game show Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, and is available for purchase at SHOPULA.
