MR WRONG: It's beginning to look a lot like The Holidays
Indignity Vol. 4, No. 224
COLUMN DEP’T.
MR WRONG: All the Merriment You Can Take
TODAY, WITH ALL of the horrible things going on in the world and all of the horrible people doing the horrible things in the world and all of the horrible stuff that makes my eyes want to stay open, staring, into the abyss, before I try and go to sleep at night, the Mr. Wrong column is going to be about The Holidays, because that’s how it is in the columning game, I have a “time peg” to peg, and it’s gettin’ pegged! The Holidays!
Goddammit, it’s The Holidays! Happy The Holidays! Now is my time for The Holidays, my own personal The Holidays! They might not be like your The Holidays, but a large part of my The Holidays program is a genuine hope and fervent wish that your The Holidays are everything you want them to be! Merry Happy or whatever! Have a good one! Have a great one! Have two great ones with a good one in-between like a sandwich! Or open-faced!
Speaking of sandwiches, for me, not unlike many participants in The Holidays, it is a time of food, and cookies, and also for the imbibing of festive and/or potent potables, but also a nice steaming mug of hot cho-cho, to go with the cookies! Or some Nog!!! The Holidays!
I don’t know about you—and how could I because I am swimming in a miasma of The Holidays–induced pondering—but some years I am really feelin’ The Holidays, and some years I do not give a flying fuck about The Holidays, and that’s how it should be, that is a perfect expression of The Holidays, to be an abstainer or a skeptic or a disliker of The Holidays, it’s all fair, there are only correct answers in your expression of lack thereof, go ahead and enjoy your own well-earned, self-affirmed, richly-deserved level of awareness of, and participation in, The Holidays, from full-on 100 percent to absolutely Zero fucks given. Less than Zero, even! The Holidays!
Arrooo! It is my time of year for unbridled enthusiasm and relentless positivity! For some reason it’s significant to me that not only did I get past another Natal Day, but also I’m almost at the Finish/Start line for a whole New Year! I don’t know how I did it, but I did, and you did, and the Mr. Wrong column did, and Indignity did, and that brings the circle right back to you, the Gentle Reader and sometimes Savage Tipper, which makes all this possible, and in my capacity as the coattail-rider of this enterprise, I would like to thank you all very hard for your paid subscriptions and tips, and donations, for people who don’t like to tip, yeah, remember, you can always donate, har!
All seriousness aside, this year has taken years, it feels like, eh? Now we are hip-deep in The Holidays, and people are making their lists of things from the year as we are closing in on the couple-few days when people try to not work and have themselves a merry little The Holidays, and imagine a World where people are nice, so again, I hope you get some a sorta break and some rest and something good not just for The Holidays but for all the many more non–The Holidays days you are putting in. Thank you.
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, December 18, 2024
★★★ The bright silver moon up in the tree faded to dusty blue-white on its way toward the roofline. High translucent clouds with rows of little sawteeth in them stretched on the northern sky. The jagged shapes evolved into peppercorns and lines rippling out of phase with one another. Gradually, bare fingers started to go numb. The gloves were back home in the pockets of the parka, in the closet. The midday stayed bright through a cup of coffee and a pastry on a sunny bench, and through errands and the walk home, too. Then the light faded, and by nighttime it was raining again.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast.
Tom Scocca
Click on this box to find the Indignity Morning Podcast archive.
TOM SCOCCA
ADVICE DEP'T.
GOT SOMETHING YOU need to justify to yourself, or to the world at large? Other columnists are here to judge you, but The Sophist is here to tell you why you’re right. Direct your questions to The Sophist, at indignity@indignity.net, and get the answers you want.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected from Hygienic Cook Book: A Collection of Choice Recipes Carefully Tested, by Jacob Arnbrecht, published in 1914 and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
OLIVE AND EGG SANDWICHES
2 hard boiled eggs
1 cup olives
2 tbsp. mayonnaise dressing
Put the the egg through a fine colander and chop the olives very fine, then mix all together and spread on thin slices of buttered bread and cut into any shape desired.
NUT AND OLIVE SANDWICHES
1/2 cup rolled nuts
1/2 cup olives
1 tbsp. sugar
1/4 cup water
Chop the olives very fine, then boil the sugar and water together for five minutes and mix all together.
Spread on thin slices of buttered bread and cut into any fancy shape desired.
DATE AND NUT SANDWICHES
1/2 cup dates
1/4 cup rolled nuts
Chop the dates fine and mix with the nuts, then make the same as nut and olive sandwiches.
DATE AND OLIVE SANDWICHES
1/2 cup dates
1/2 cup olives
1 tbsp. sugar
1/4 cup water
Chop the olives very fine, then chop the dates fine and mix with the syrup as directed for nut and olive sandwiches.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
