MR WRONG: Fact-check, please!
Indignity Vol. 4, No. 79
COLUMN DEP’T.
MR WRONG: Google Has Brainworms
EVERYTHING SEEMS KINDA bad right now, I dunno, you know? I am generally an Optimist, but there’s a war that could totally get paused right now, and starving children who could get fed right now, and who could also stop getting killed right now, and people who feed starving children could stop getting killed right now, but somehow it seems like it’s too late, it’s too big to get a hold of, even though it isn’t, I feel like my Consciousness is being warped, to believe it is, plus, right here, where I am a Citizen, we have an election coming up, with an old guy, and a guy who is almost as old, and also in court most of the time, and those are our choices, and you are entitled to yours, but like, the possibly third-most candidate had a goddamn parasite in their skull? Jesus F. Christ, what the hell is going on? All three candidates have brain stuff!
Like I said, generally an Optimist over here, but I feel like I’m losing my grip on Reality with all this crap I see about the Artificial Intellects making decisions for us. I mean, today, one of my co-workers mentioned their kid hadda pull a semi-all-nighter for an assignment, and in my School Days I was totally that kid, doing my work last-minute, and I wanted to look up a cartoon gag I remembered from Peanuts, where Charlie Brown has a bad night, and stupid fucking Google, it forces you to endure a little animation as it craps out an A.I. result up top of the page, an Upper-Decker, if you will, as your first result, so generally I try to skip down to look at the real (possible) answers, but this time the A.I. loaded really fast and I saw an Artificial result that made me mad so I then hadda go and fucking Fact-Check it, I’m fucking Fact-Checking goddamn Google now, that’s how I’m spending my time, and Google is an ignoramus.
![[ALT/CAPTION: I don’t want to exactly re-type the actual words for this bad result for my Google search “charlie brown at three o’clock in the morning” because then I am feeding the GARBAGE-IN side of Google’s A.I., so take my word for it that War and Peace is in there, which is incorrect! It’s Gulliver’s Travels, right there in the comic! Here’s the comic: Linus, standing outside in a winter scene: HURRY UP, CHARLIE BROWN! WE’LL BE LATE FOR SCHOOL! Next panel, Linus is waiting and says to themself, I WONDER IF HE READ “GULLIVER’S TRAVELS,” AND WROTE HIS BOOK REPORT...” Next panel, Charlie Brown is out of the frame, but approaching, and Linus says DID YOU FINISH IT, CHARLIE BROWN? WHEN DID YOU DO IT? Charlie Brown appears in the last panel, bags under the eyes, looking rumpled, and says in wavy lettering, AT THREE O’CLOCK THIS MORNING!!!]](https://lh7-us.googleusercontent.com/WXltpr5CRlEEF3f4htMr-HYnCXWVkoDvENMyk1G1Jv0SATDGJE7NeplyMod49QUcxxVqxHt34d_052dYKBJR5PB5TIQW4sTyuaRLNFEr5SAit_VIQswa9RJzs4lQIJlqfyJeqDFHT73jf9vbSlAG__o)
It’s right there inside you, Google, the correct answer! It’s part of the same Search Result that you topped with your shitty A.I.! What the hell is going on? This is what’s happening, these computers are doing this stuff and we’re pushing the button to let it happen!
Speaking of! I have repeatedly expressed my disapproval of Robots, and that goddamn cute Robot Dog there’s all those videos of, dancing and stuff, has versions with flamethrowers and rifles, and here’s the quote:
A human operator - who could be located anywhere in the world - must be in control of the bot [to*] make fire decisions, as it cannot shoot autonomously.
Wow, really, “cannot,” eh? I know they’re kinda overrated right now, but there’s folks out there telling us all about how they got cars that can operate “autonomously,” and those things aren’t supposed to kill anybody, but they do, since 2018, what do you think is gonna happen with a Machine that is built with the purpose of killing people? Full auto! I think I mighta said this somewhere last week (and you should subscribe), but they got me where they want me, I think I don’t want to go outside!
*There’s a typo on that web page so I hadda add a bracketed word to make it read correctly! Everything's falling apart!
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly wherever it can appear. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
CLICK ON THIS box to enjoy today's Indignity Morning Podcast:
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP’T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected from Mrs. Ericsson Hammond's Salad Appetizer Cook Book, by Maria Matilda Ericsson Hammond. Published in 1924, and now in the Public Domain and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
Sandwich au Saumon fumé à l'Erick
For Six Persons
A quarter of a pound of salmon, two tablespoons of butter and six slices of bread.
How to Make It. Cut the bread, slice the salmon very thin and spread it out, put it on the bread that first has been buttered and trimmed around. Cut them in diamond shape all even size. Glaze with artificial aspic. Stir the rest of the butter to a cream; put a narrow strip all around the sandwich; then put a row of small specks of truffles and then another strip of the butter forming a border. Put a diamond of truffles in the center with a strip of the butter all around. Arrange on a platter in the form of a ring and garnish with parsley. Serve as an appetizer.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
MARKETING DEP'T.
Supplies are really running low of the second printing of 19 FOLK TALES, still available for gift-giving and personal perusal! Sit in the gathering heat with a breezy collection of stories, each of which is concise enough to read before the sun gets high.
HMM WEEKLY MINI-ZINE, Subject: GAME SHOW, Joe MacLeod’s account of his Total Experience of a Journey Into Television, expanded from the original published account found here at Hmm Daily. The special MINI ZINE features other viewpoints related to an appearance on, at, and inside the teevee game show Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, available for purchase at SHOPULA.
