MR WRONG: Borne back ceaselessly into the past

COLUMN DEP’T.

MR WRONG: Set Your Clocks to This Column

THIS SUNDAY MOST of the Time Zones that I am able to perceive and/or understand will be undergoing the annual shift to whatever Time Zone we are not in right now. My favorite Time Zone is Mountain Time, how great of a Time Zone is that? You’re in the Mountains! Anyway, most importantly for me, as a Columnist, the great thing about the annual shift to either Daylight Savings Time or Eastern Standard Time is that it gives me a topic for my Column! Time! What a great Topic, eh? Errbody’s got an Opinion, and mine is no different from all the other Opinions, because I think I have at one time or another thought all the things about the Time Zone shift, but that’s all I got, seriously,
as
many
times
as I have complained in one direction or the other or possibly a third or non-direction about the Time Zone thing here in the Mr. Wrong column, I can never fucking remember which Time we are going to. Are we heading into Atlantic Time, currently occupied by Puerto Rico and by Canada's Prince Edward Island, or Central Time, currently occupied by Chicago and eastern South Dakota? All I've got is the Mnemonic Device about “Spring Forward, Fall Behind, which is right up there with “Soak A Toe” in my brain-file on Mnemonic Devices. The “Soak A Toe” one is from Trigonometry, which was my favorite Math class in high school because all the stuff is in tables in the back of the book, so all you gotta do is remember the toe-soaking Formulas and then go look up the Answer. If my memory serves me correctly, “Soak A Toe” meant SOH CAH TOA:

Sine - Opposite - Hypotenuse
Cosine - Adjacent - Hypotenuse
Tangent - Opposite - Adjacent

I think! At this point, the only Math I do is at the track, figuring out how much it might cost to Wheel the Triple or make a Dime Super for more than a dime. I’m not even gonna bother to look up “Soak A Toe” because the last time I did Trig was when I was in Trig class, and at this point, while I remember the Mnemonic Device, I have less than Zero idea what a Hypotenuse is anymore, or what it would be Adjacent to or the Opposite of.

All right, enough math, look, this Sunday, Nov. 5, 2023 Anno Domini, we are going to travel back in Time! For one hour! Like a lot of U.S. Americans existing in the Eastern Zone of Time, I will spend that hour drinking vodka suspended in soda water, or sleeping.

Off-topic on the beverage: Spindrift Unsolicited Testimonial! Have you seen these Spindrifts? They are soda water with a teensy splash of fruit juice in ‘em for flavor, and if you are trying to be healthy or weigh less for your health by not drinking soda pop, these are a tasty alternative. My fave is the Grapefruit one, which matches well with vodka, which is my thing right now because I am avoiding beer in my weight-loss regimen. Back to the topic!

Time Travel is bad! We read a story in Junior High, now known as Middle School, all about how Time Travel is bad, somebody went back in Time trying to hunt dinosaurs or something and they stepped on a butterfly. There are movies like that The Flash one that was out a while ago and was a big mess except for the Batman parts, and teevee shows all about Time Travel like Loki, which I do not understand but I watch it because it has nice Art Direction, but the fundamental lesson of these Entertainments is Do Not Fuck With Time, and so while our crazy annual Time Travel takes effect, I will be cracking cans of Spindrift and laying on the nice-nice, which, for me, in another Unsolicted Testimonial, is Tito’s, hic! What the hell time is it? Happy Hour!

P.S: Also, the Editor of Indignity has more Bluesky codes, for people who want to try the still-beta Bluesky social networks, and last time was a little messed up because I mangled the email address, but I fixed it, so if you haven’t already gotten a code from us, email indignity@indignity.net and we will award Bluesky codes to those who respond, one per reader, first email, first served. As always, thank you for reading this notice.

P.S.-P.S: Also-also, there is a fundraiser-kicker-starter thing going on for the shiny-new collective-publishing concern Flaming Hydra, which is an agglomeration of 60 top-drawer independent writers (including me, somehow, I don’t get it) who will contribute to a new site, and you can read it, but they won’t have ads or anything so they need the cash-money Support. There are prizes!

The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly wherever it can appear. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.

SANDWICH RECIPES DEP’T.

WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of select sandwiches from Tried and Tested Recipes; A Collection of the Favorite and Choicest Recipes Used and Contributed by Ida Mckinley Tent No. 21, National Alliance, Daughters of Union Veterans of the Civil War. Dept. of Illinois, published in 1921. This book is in the Public Domain and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.

PIMENTO SANDWICH
Butter two slices of white bread. On lower slice place leaf lettuce, spread with salad dressing, thin slices of veal loaf, and strips of canned pimentos. Cover with buttered bread and cut across with sharp knife to make two triangular sandwiches.

SARDINE SANDWICH
Remove skin and backbones from can of sardines. Mash in a bowl till a smooth paste, then add a tablespoon of lemon juice and spread between thin slices of buttered bread.

CLUB SANDWICHES
Toast two slices of bread and butter lightly. On one put lettuce leaf, spread with salad dressing. Lay on thin slices of chicken, then more lettuce and dressing, two slices crisp bacon, another lettuce leaf, and finish with the second slice of toast. Served with coffee alone it makes a delicious, nourishing meal. Garnish with sliced tomato if desired.

If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, kindly send a picture to us at indignity@indignity.net.

MARKETING DEP'T.

ATTENTION, BOOK SHOPPERS! We are pleased to announce that we have SOLD OUT the first printing of 19 FOLKTALES. A second printing, which corrects the unorthodox (collectible!) spine alignment of the first edition, is underway, but new orders may be delayed even more than they are under our usual hand-fulfillment system. (Some signed copies are available as premiums for Kickstarter supporters of the new FLAMING HYDRA publishing enterprise, described above.) The contents remain the same: a series of timeless tales of canny animals, foolish people, monsters, magic, ambition, adventure, glory, failure, inexorable death, and ripe fruits and vegetables. Written by Tom Scocca and richly illustrated by Jim Cooke, these fables stand at the crossroads of wisdom and absurdity.

Meanwhile, ah, not sold-out: HMM WEEKLY MINI-ZINE, Subject: GAME SHOW, Joe MacLeod’s account of his Total Experience of a Journey Into Television, expanded from the original published account found here at Hmm Daily. The special MINI ZINE features other viewpoints related to an appearance on, at, and inside the teevee game show Who Wants to Be A Millionaire. Your $20 plus shipping and tax helps fund The Brick House collective, a Publishing Concern featuring a globally diverse set of publishers doing their own thing, with interesting items and publications available for purchase at SHOPULA.

Thanks for reading INDIGNITY, a general-interest publication for a discerning and self-selected audience. We depend on your support!