MR WRONG: Black sheets of rage
Indignity Vol. 4, No. 59
COLUMN DEP’T.
MR WRONG: These Are Dark Days and Not Just Because It's Pouring Out There
I USUALLY PUT this part at the bottom of each Mr. Wrong column but here, look, I am even gonna “block quote” it, so it looks like I am citing something Important:
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly wherever it can appear. No refunds.
I don’t give refunds on the Mr. Wrong column because you knew it was a column when your eyes picked it up, OK? There’s a million columns that have Opinions and stuff, and pound-for-pound—because that’s how they price Opinions columns—the Mr. Wrong column is as good as any of that crap in the New York Times and worth the same, if you paid for that shit in the New York Times separately, like the Sports part and the Recipes, I think they charge extra for those depending on what kinda Electronic Digital Internet subscription you have. Anyway, I think they tricked me into paying extra for the Recipes by telling me it was free, and then they knew I wouldn’t bother to go and cancel the Recipes part when they tacked it onto my bill because I got used to it and also I am a hoarder. I enjoy the Recipes in the New York Times, except for the ones by Sam Sifton, I boycott those in my mind because I have a personal grudge against him. Anyway, would you pay extra for the Opinions section in the New York Times? I don’t think so!
Same deal goes for Indignity! The Mr. Wrong column is here and there’s a bunch of you who skip over that part, and that is your right as a Subscriber to and Supporter of Indignity! Thank you for reading the other parts!
Anyway, I am in a Bad Mood. That’s the Topic of this iteration of the Mr. Wrong column. My cat died, or more technically, we had our cat assassinated because she was sick, and when we got her checked out, the Veterinarian discovered she was way more sick than we thought, and she had to go. It was sad, and I miss my little black fluffy kitty, and I keep expecting to see her in various places in the house, being a cat, which she was really good at, but she’s gone, which I know perfectly well, I was an accomplice, and now I have moved on to the Angry part, Bad Mood-wise.
On top of that, when I brought my favorite all-purpose mug/soup bowl to the office of my new Day Job, to put in my locker and use for water, and to heat up soup for my work luncheons, I put it on my chair for a sec and it fell outta the bag I had it in and my nice highly-functional resealable mug shattered way beyond repair, just like my poor cat, who I paid money to have knocked off. That made me also-sad, the mug getting broken, because that stupid green mug, with a plastic lid for sealing up your fave leftover beverage or lunch, was a gift, given to me at a previous Day Job, by a nice person who noticed I eat soup for lunch a lot, and I always thought of that Nice Person when I used the mugbowl, and now that connection is also broken, see, see what a Bad Mood I am in? Totally fuckin’ spiraling with the Gloom!
And another thing! Two days in a row it was pissing down rain during my commute to the office, which on a good day takes 45 minutes in my shiny metal box, but when it rains, who knows? Could take an hour and half! Could get fucking wiped out by one of the other idiot motorists who think just because it’s doing black sheets of rain you should proceed as normal and drive 80 miles an hour!
I am not exaggerating, I drive on Interstate 97, it’s a goddamn Death Race 2000 situation and it’s 24 fucking years after 2000! The original Death Race 2000, not the shitty remake, Death Race. Well, actually, yeah, my commute is more like the shitty remake, perfect, now I’m in a Worse Mood.
Also! I fucking missed Donut Day at the office, when they bring in these really good fancy donuts and you can get a donut and a coffee for $3.50, and I missed it, G_d fucking damn it. OK, this is not getting better, I’m calling it a Column. Remember, No Refunds!
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly wherever it can appear. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
SIDE PIECES DEP'T.
FOR MY Margin of Error column over at Defector today, I wrote about whether protest voting, or any voting, can make a difference in Gaza:
The longer this goes on, the more I think about the protesters who chanted "Hey, hey, LBJ / How many kids did you kill today?" It was a perfect chant, cutting and morally true. It drew a line, and it caught Lyndon Johnson on the wrong side of it. Johnson chose not to face the voters again in 1968. And then, behind the scenes, Richard Nixon sabotaged the Paris peace talks and replaced Johnson as president.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
This first rectangle, below, is the podcast file right here on GHOST. This totally 100 percent works. You can just stay right here and click that sideways black triangle and listen to the podcast.
This other rectangle is supposed to go podcast.indignity.net.
TOM SCOCCA
Visit podcast.indignity.net for the RSS thing and also Apple stuff! Let us know at indignity@indignity.net if you encounter difficulties with the links. We're still trying to see what works, thank you trying to listen! Podcast!
ADVICE DEP’T.
Ask The Sophist
GOT SOMETHING YOU need to justify to yourself, or to the world at large? Other columnists are here to judge you, but The Sophist is here to tell you why you’re right. Please send your questions to The Sophist, at indignity@indignity.net, and get the answers you want.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP’T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of sandwiches from New Presentation of Cooking with Timed Recipes, by Auguste Gay with the collaboration of Anne Page. Published in 1924, and now in the Public Domain and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
HAM, OLIVE, AND CELERY SANDWICH
For each sandwich
2 slices of buttered bread
1 tablespoon cold boiled ham, chopped
3 ripe olives
1 tablespoon celery leaves, chopped
dash of vinegar
Pit and chop the olives. Mix all ingredients together. Spread on both slices of bread, put together and press lightly.
LETTUCE AND CHICKEN LIVER SANDWICH
For each sandwich
2 slices of buttered bread
1 chicken liver, boiled
2 leaves of lettuce
1 tablespoon mayonnaise sauce
Chop the chicken liver and the lettuce leaves. Mix with the mayonnaise sauce. Spread on both slices of bread, put together and press lightly.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
MARKETING DEP'T.
The second printing of 19 FOLK TALES is now available for gift-giving and personal perusal! Sit in the strengthening sunshine with a breezy collection of stories, each of which is concise enough to read before the damp ground seeps through your blanket.
HMM WEEKLY MINI-ZINE, Subject: GAME SHOW, Joe MacLeod’s account of his Total Experience of a Journey Into Television, expanded from the original published account found here at Hmm Daily. The special MINI ZINE features other viewpoints related to an appearance on, at, and inside the teevee game show Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, available for purchase at SHOPULA.
