MR WRONG: An easy kind of charm
Indignity Vol. 5, No. 56
COLUMN DEP’T.
MR WRONG: Opening Day Is Music to My Ears
TODAY, WHICH IS Thursday, March 27, is Opening Day of Baseball Season for the year 2025 Anno Domini. Baseball Season! Good times! Summer! If you don’t like sports, don’t worry, I am not going to discuss Sports, I am gonna talk about Baseball!
I live in Baltimore, Maryland, and the city’s Major League Baseball team is the Baltimore Orioles, so like the song says, I root, root, root for the Home Team. I looked up the lyrics to make sure that the song “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” doesn’t have any racist sentiments or anything that didn’t age well, and I think it’s OK.
The opening part, which I have never heard performed as part of the song, and really, until today, did not even know there was an opening part, has a sorta awkward and archaic phrase about spending money, phrased in the vernacular of circa 1908.
Katie Casey was baseball mad,
Had the fever and had it bad.
Just to root for the home town crew,
Ev'ry sou
Katie blew.
On a Saturday her young beau
Called to see if she'd like to go
To see a show, but Miss Kate said "No,
I'll tell you what you can do"
So the song checks out, and it’s sort of a song inside of a song, since the beginning is about Katie, and then it’s a song that is quoting Katie saying that you should sing the Chorus, to wit "Take me out to the ball game," et cetera. I am kinda curious to hear it performed in its original form, but not that curious, OK?
I would attend a baseball game no matter what team is playing, though. Speaking of “ev'ry sou,” in the case of a "sou" being a "small amount of money," I dig sitting in the cheap seats and having a up-high view of the large expanse of baseball-diamond green, and then there’s some stuff going on, the game. I am not super rah-rah about the game, I like baseball, it's nice when my city's team wins. I respect the people who are fans and get excited and psyched and stuff, that’s fun, as long as you’re not being a fuckin' a-hole about it, we’re all here to have a good time.
This year my Baltimore Orioles have decided to help me have a good time by setting up some spots in the stadium for cheap beer. I don’t know if you have ever been to a Major League Baseball game in a stadium before, but holy wow, they take a chunk out of your wallet for beers, last year I think they were around $14, and I guess I get it, we’re there because it’s entertainment and a Business, but jeez, you could pay more for a beer than a ticket on some days, and I’m not at the ballpark to get wasted, but some of that beer money could fund my ride home, you know? Anyway, they (The Baltimore Orioles) announced these cheap beer locations, and they are not just for cheap beer, they are for cheap hotdogs and other stuff.
I did the research to figure out where they are in the stadium so I can get at least one dose of Cheap at the game before I get lazy and buy a beer off a vendor walking around in the stands, wow, that is not an easy job, they walk around with a coupla cases of beer in a cooler and they gotta go up and down these steep stairs, I always make sure to tip hard when I purchase a beer off a vendor.
I made a fun personalized graphic about the beer locations, and I think it’s legit as far as copyright is concerned, since it falls under the umbrella of Parody, or Fan Art, or Fan Fiction, something that I can say until somebody tells me to Cease and Desist! C'mon, I'm just trying to get a cheap beer! The pink dots are approximately where I will go to score a cheap draft and a cheap hot dog!
Here is the Birdland Value Menu I lifted off the Baltimore Orioles web site.
BIRDLAND VALUE MENU
FOOD
ALL-BEEF HOT DOG $4
PRETZEL BITES WITH CHEESE $4
CINNAMON PRETZEL BITES WITH CREAM CHEESE ICING $4
NACHO CHIPS & CHEESE $4
POPCORN $3.50
PEANUTS $2.50
PACKAGED DESSERT $3
BEVERAGE
16oz. REFILLABLE SODA CUP $4
16.90z. BOTTLED WATER $4
12oz. NON-ALCOHOLIC BEER $5
12oz. SELECT BEERS $5
12oz. ALCOHOLIC SELTZER $6
*Maryland sales tax not included.
And then here are the exact locations for the cheap food and beverage:
FOOD & NON-ALCOHOLIC ITEMS
Main Concourse
Value Cart - Section 31
Value Cart - Section 56
Value Cart - Section 89
Upper Deck
Value Cart - Section 326
Value Cart - Section 352
Value Cart - Section 382
ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES
Main Concourse
B&O Market - Eutaw St.
Birdland Market - Section 17
Birdland Market - Section 49
Birdland Market - Section 80
Upper Deck
Birdland Market - Section 334
Birdland Market - Section 372
I don't have any illusions about the portion size of my five-buck beer and/or four-buck hot dog, but I wanna say, as a patron of the Oriole Park at Camden Yards baseball stadium, I appreciate the gesture towards Econo.
I am fortunate enough to live in a major metropolitan city that has a sports thing, and it’s only a few miles from my house, I can even walk to the game when I want to, but when I am not at the ballpark I like to listen to the game on the radio, specifically, AM radio. AM stands for Amplitude Modulation, radiowise, and I don’t understand it, even though I have looked it up and read about it, it just doesn’t stick in my head. I don’t care, though!
All I know is, on a warm summer afternoon or evening, I enjoy listening to a baseball game on the radio. I enjoy music and stuff, but there’s some sorta something about the sound, the distant din of a crowd—or even the weirdness of an empty stadium, it has a certain character—that gets on the broadcast behind whatever the announcers are yammering about, the score and stuff, it’s this ethereal sound, which I bet at this point you could dial up on one of those sound apps they have for sleeping or meditating (and if they don’t then I invented it), but this baseball game sound does not make me sleep, it imparts a feeling of well-being, which I reinforce by enjoying a cold beer or even a soda pop, I’m not in it to get loaded like bases, it’s just part of a whole stimmung, seriously, and it really does help me to be free from concern for a few hours in this economy.
“Stimmung” is German for tone, mood, atmosphere, and I don’t know why I can remember that (and this), and not understand Amplitude Modulation, but anyway, it’s Baseball Season! Thank you.
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, March 26, 2025
★★ A sweet burble of birdsong out the window turned out to be a treeful of blue jays, their color subdued in the early light, their melody gradually descending into squawking and squabbling and chasing across the pink-flushed sky. The clouds that had caught the pink turned out gray when the day established itself—a stubborn, rainless gray that faded out only to fade right back in again, accompanied by a cold that was just as steady. Darker cloud shapes showed against the lighter, still gray background. Suddenly, though, after a quick two-mile jaunt for bread, there were wet spots on the pavement outside the subway stairs and droplets on the parked cars. The wind kicked up to make the chill a little nastier, and then big white raindrops were slanting down. By evening it was over, leaving a blue sky with gold-touched swanlike clouds on it.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast!
Tom Scocca
CLICK ON THIS box to find the Indignity Morning Podcast archive.
TOM SCOCCA
ADVICE DEP'T.
GOT SOMETHING YOU need to justify to yourself, or to the world at large? Other columnists are here to judge you, but The Sophist is here to tell you why you’re right. Direct your questions to The Sophist, at indignity@indignity.net, and get the answers you want.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected from Hospitality: Recipes and Entertainment Hints for All Occasions, by Mary M. Wright, author of Candy Making at Home, Preserving and Pickling, Salads and Sandwiches, and Dainty Desserts, published in 1922, and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
Strawberry Sandwiches
These are made by spreading thin slices of buttered bread with strawberry preserves mixed with a few chopped almond meats, although these may be omitted if liked.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
