Matt Gaetz is the law now

Indignity Vol. 4, No. 199

Tom Scocca

13 Nov 2024 — 6 min read

Former Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL). Photo by Tierney L. Cross/Getty Images

POLITICS DEP'T.

Donald Trump Gets His Man

OK, MATT GAETZ was a shock. Donald Trump did shock me. Naming Pete Hegseth of Fox News to be Secretary of Defense was cartoonish and absurd and vile, and sinister flake Tulsi Gabbard for Director of National Intelligence was ridiculous, though Gabbard isn't obviously more unstable or unfit than Ric Grenell, who was Trump's acting DNI last time around. But Hegseth and Gabbard were the expected sort of surprises, answers to the ongoing question "What new ways will Donald Trump find to make dumb and inappropriate appointments?"

Matt Gaetz as the proposed attorney general, though, is something else. People took for granted that Trump was going to pick an attorney general who was an unprincipled hack and loyalist, some prosecutor shameless enough to cast aside the minimal professional standards of law and restraint that kept Trump's previous Justice Department from going through with stealing the 2020 election for him, and who would use federal law enforcement as a weapon for Trump's personal ends. Instead, Trump wants to hire someone whose main experience with law enforcement comes from being the target of a sex trafficking investigation, an almost universally despised member of Congress who overthrew his own party's Speaker of the House as punishment for passing a spending bill that avoided a government shutdown—and whose resignation from the House to pursue the job of running Trump's Justice Department reportedly could spare him from the impending release of an Ethics Committee report on his alleged crimes.

Election Day was only eight days ago. Inauguration Day is two months and a week away, and the four full years of the presidential term unfold after that, and already Donald Trump is down to Matt Gaetz. I've seen speculation that Gaetz is a sacrificial pick, someone so obviously unsuitable that the Senate could make a show of refusing to confirm him, after which some corrupt replacement attorney general and the rest of Trump's screwy nominees would sail through, looking reasonable by comparison. Maybe, but 12 hours ago Pete Hegseth—a TV talking head who advocates for war crimes and who got kicked off National Guard duty at Joe Biden's inauguration because his unit pegged him as a white nationalist—seemed like he might be some similar sort of sacrifice. Now he just looks like the new Trump administration.

Despite everything that Donald Trump has already done and has said he wants to do in the future, powerful people and institutions in this country are still committed to a collective fantasy that he could possibly settle into a normal presidency this time around. Joe Biden, from whom Trump tried to steal the White House by force, brought the new president-elect to the Oval Office today for a friendly transitional sit-down by the fireplace. What's more important, the Insurrection Clause or the appearance of stability?

But stability is gone. Trump smashed it four years ago. There's no comfort to be had from the fact that he used some conventional methods toward the end as he muscled his way back into elected power. He broke the law, and then his allies broke the laws that would have held him to account for breaking the law and barred him from office. He is a crook, with no desire and no ability to be anything but a crook. He despised the work of being president so much last time around that he quit doing it, filling his days with "Executive Time," and he's only grown more incoherent, impulsive, and angry since then.

Aside from the grotesque added presences of Elon Musk and Robert F. Kennedy Jr., snuffling at the wellspring of influence and attention, Trump's circle has shriveled. The faceless junior corps of Heritage-trained goons itching to staff his administration and carry out orders don't count; he can't possibly believe in new personnel or in whatever new ideas somebody may have typed up for them to carry out. He has tallied nearly 76 million voters so far, but his people, the ones who've proven themselves, can be counted on his fingers and toes. He picked Matt Gaetz because he knows what Matt Gaetz is. This what the future means now for Trump: the same things over and over again, and more and more of them.

WEATHER REVIEWS

New York City, November 12, 2024

★★★ The air that had been refreshing before bedtime now carpeted the floorboards with cold. The bathroom door banged in its frame as air currents scrabbled in the vents. Out the window the remaining honeylocust leaves pulled and shook in the wind; the uptown branches had nothing left but twisting, swaying seedpods. A hawk cruised along with its wings folded so tightly its silhouette looked at first like a helicopter. Puffy coats moved along the avenue. The wind hissed through the trees and a woman walking a dog hunched her shoulders. A plume of steam dived across the wide sidewalk on Columbus, crossed the bike lane, and went in among the parked cars beyond. The late sun glowed where it still could, lighting all the leaves that were still hanging on the trees to be struck. Ginkgo leaves lay on a patch of wet cement, making their bid for preservation.

EASY LISTENING DEP'T.

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ADVICE DEP'T.

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SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.

WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected from Bridal Chef, published by Brandt & Cordes in 1911, now in the Public Domain and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.

APPLE SANDWICH
Butter thin slices of white bread, lay on slice of apple cut round and spread with mayonnaise dressing; or, if liked, use Boston brown bread.

If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.

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