Revenant Heathcliff lunchbox
Indignity Vol. 4, No. 217
LOST & FOUND DEP'T.
Grease Gone
Recently Found in America
Thirty-seven gold coins minted in Spanish colonial Peru and lost in the sinking of the 1715 Fleet (in homes and safe-deposit boxes around Florida, after an investigation by the FBI and the state Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission into a 2015 salvage-diving mission that allegedly retrieved 101 coins but failed to report 50 of them)
Thirty-two fragments of sewing needles, dating to 12,900 years ago and made from the bones of animals including red foxes, hares, and possibly the now-extinct American cheetah (in sediment at the La Prele archaeological site in Converse County, Wyoming)
The shortnose cisco (in Lake Superior, 40 years after the species of freshwater whitefish was presumed extinct across Lakes Ontario, Huron, and Michigan, which were its only historically known locations in the Great Lakes)
A 1977 Dodge Ramcharger pickup truck (submerged in the Seneca River in Clay, New York, where a fisherman using a Garmin LiveScope sonar system detected it, after it had been reported stolen on October 10, 1981)
A 16th century Spanish smoothbore bronze "wall gun" (in the floor of a stone-and-adobe structure at an archaeological site in present-day Nogales, Arizona, where it was apparently left, unused, by the expedition of Francisco Vázquez de Coronado between 1539 and 1542, making it the oldest known firearm found in the United States)
A metal Heathcliff lunchbox containing a matching Thermos with the odor of Nesquik and a child's drawing resembling Garfield (in the pipe chase between boys' and girls' restrooms at Fairview Elementary School in Roanoke, Virginia, where it had apparently been since the owner, then a fourth-grader, lost it circa 1981)
Recently Missing in America
A utility task vehicle (from a trailer found abandoned on the roadside in Benton County, Washington, in which the UTV had been replaced by a 2019 Corvette that the sheriff's department reported "had been stolen a couple of years ago from a car dealership on the west side of the state")
At least three carports (from homes in Spindale, North Carolina, after another carport owner found their carport being disassembled by a stranger, who had been sold the carport through a fraudulent offer by someone else on Facebook Marketplace)
Some 40 college gymnastics championship rings (from the office of now-retired 43-year gymnastics coach Sara "D-D" Breaux in the LSU Athletics Administration Building, in Baton Rouge, Louisiana)
A stripper pole valued at $500 (from a home in Roswell, New Mexico)
Approximately 180 multicolored cattle (from the Uncompahgre Plateau in the Uncompahgre National Forest in Montrose County, Colorado, on the state's Western Slope, where they were last seen grazing)
Used cooking oil valued at $300 (from the grease pit at the Red Wagon restaurant in Poseyville, Indiana, by an unauthorized pumper truck)
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, December 9, 2024
★ The windows were open again for air and the cat was thrusting her face at the screens. A mild and humid morning got dimmer and then past noon a midsized and mid-intensity rain was falling. Now instead of the biting wintry cold of earlier days there was a gnawing rawness. It was hard to tell from the balcony when the rain was really still falling and when everything was just dripping. People went by out front with and without umbrellas; cars had their wipers going. Eventually the draft stopped being refreshing and just became annoying.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast.
Tom Scocca
Click on this box to find the Indignity Morning Podcast archive.
TOM SCOCCA
ADVICE DEP'T.
GOT SOMETHING YOU need to justify to yourself, or to the world at large? Other columnists are here to judge you, but The Sophist is here to tell you why you’re right. Direct your questions to The Sophist, at indignity@indignity.net, and get the answers you want.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected from Fruit Recipes: A Manual of the Food Values of Fruits and Nine Hundred Different Ways of Using Them, by Riley M. Fletcher Berry, published in 1919 and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
LEMON SANDWICHES (Mrs. Rorer)
Cut bread in form desired, then place slices in tight box with lemon peel wrapped close to it and between slices. Leave for several hours before using then butter and serve. The butter should also have been prepared with lemon flavouring by placing lemon rinds generously in the butter jar or cup, and when ready to spread the juice of one lemon added for each cup of butter.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
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