INDIGNITY VOL. 3, NO 53: A piece of your action.
COLUMN DEP'T.
MR WRONG: Sub-Ground-Floor Opportunity
IF YOU ARE diving in to this edition of the Mr. Wrong Column right now, I would like to thank you, Gentle Reader, very much, for not skipping over it on your way to Indignity’s celebrated Weather Reviews and the Indignity Morning Podcast “Vertical,” or maybe even the Sandwich Recipes Dep’t., who knows what you freaky Readers like?
As an award-winning Columnist, I am always Transparent or at least Translucent, about making my weekly Column and Getting Paid, column-wise, and now it looks like I might have another way to cash in, however, I am as suspicious as I am Greedy!
I wanted to write about this last week, but the Former President of the United States went and got themselves arrested and stuff, and so I filled a column with that bullshit. Score!
OK, back to now! This isn’t Inside Information or anything, but according to the people at Substack, the Internet thing that we use to send out Indignity, I could “Own A Piece of Substack.” Don’t read the comments, seriously.
I’m not special, anybody who claims to be a writer (like me) and has a Substack-thing can get in on it, and I’m not telling anybody what to do, because I don't have a brain for big deals, but this is a street thing, I think, as in Wall Street.
I mean, here is what famous Substack-er E. Jean Carroll thinks:
I don’t even really know what a “Blue Chip” is, outside of pricey tortilla chips I have eaten that are usually way too dense and taste too healthy for me to enjoy. I mean, I know a “Blue Chip” stock is a really good one, like, Apple, or 3M, or an oil company, or the Railroads in Monopoly, but I guess even though Substack describes itself as a Startup, E. Jean is saying that it will become more Blue, Chipwise, so it’s a good investment. Disclaimer-wise, I’m sure E. Jean is not putting themselves out there as a Financial Advisor or anything, but they feel good about Substack on some non-legally-binding non-recommendation of Substack as far as an Investment, which in this case is giving Substack money so they can be more valuable, I think, because they (Substack) have a bunch of money from Investors or something, I dunno.
The only thing I think I understand in all the blah-blah-blah they wrote in that piece about owning a Piece is this:
Substack is a subscription network. We think subscription networks will play a major role in the internet’s next chapter. They represent a step forward from social networks.
Right here, I’m kinda almost hooked, because I almost understand that! Also though, I understand that whole thing about the Stock Market and how when a dope like me thinks it’s time to make money, it’s time to run!
I mean, kabillions of people are making big dough all the time, on the Coins! I don’t understand anything!
Meanwhile, I told you not to read the Comments, but:
So I’m no Financial Analyst, but Substack had some Charts and Graphs, and I took the liberty to analyze them. Forget about the amounts, think about the direction of the Cash Flow and the Trend.
Substack’s making money and more money and more money because they have an army of Substack-ers out there making Content that’s good enough to pay for, not like that micro-garbage on the Tweeter! This edited chart shows me that Substack is doing OK off the sweat of my keyboard, and all the other keyboards in the monkey room, and they want More.
I gotta tell you, I could be an almost-hooked fish with this thing, I’m swimmin’ around, and I got the hook in my big scaly mouth, but it has not yet been set. It’s close, though, because I think I understand what that whole “subscription network” thing means.
That putz Elon Musk bought a perfectly horrible and fun Social Network, but now they’re trying to get folks with Twitter accounts to pay into the system for badges and whatever, but his angle stinks, because he just wants them to pay in the hopes that there will be some Clout and some Advertising love coming back somehow if the Tweeter has a lotta readers. A kabillion people on Tweet are Writers. Of tweet.
Substack, on the other hand, for the Great Unwashed (such as the Mr. Wrong Column), says something to the effect of “go ahead and make your own thing on Substack, and if YOU get paid, we’ll wet our beak.” Here’s another chart!
I certainly would not recommend that you, Gentle Reader, if you could, invest in an Internet Startup that’s making steady dollars off writers when you could give your dough directly to the writers of Indignity and support Journalism and sandwich recipes and the Mr Wrong Column! Become a Paid Subscriber and support Indignity!
P.S.: Substack could be taking you for a ride, but I’m already on the ride!
Even though I don’t know how I would make money by giving Substack my money, in Full Transparent Disclosuring, I threw a hunski down on the Fundraiser. I mean, I buy scratch-offs, so what the heck.
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly wherever it can appear. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, April 5, 2023
★ A flush of pink on the dawn sky faded to a blandly gray day. Where the forecast described a slight chance of showers, the clouds by late morning settled on releasing a fine drizzle. In the cross streets, the drizzle had wind pushing it. A smell of fish hung strongly over Lexington Avenue. The line of parents outside the high school exam site, wrapping around the block, bent into the protection of a doorway overhang where it could, though the moisture was floating sideways in a way that made shelter moot. But standing out in it wasn't really enough to get a person wet, either.
EASY LISTENING DEP’T.
The Indignity Morning Podcast is also available via the Apple and Spotify platforms.
VISUAL CONSCIOUSNESS DEP’T.
April Flowers
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SANDWICH DEP’T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of select sandwiches from Brewster Book of Recipes, by the Woman’s Association of Brewster Congregational Church and their friends, published in 1921, found in the public domain and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
CREAM CHEESE SANDWICHES.
Two hard boiled eggs, 3 Spanish peppers, package Philadelphia cream cheese, 1/2 tablespoon onion juice, 1/2 teaspoon salt. Put all through grinder; mix with mayonnaise.
—Marion Wiley.
FAVORITE SANDWICHES.
Cream 2 tablespoons butter, 1/2 cup grated cheese, 1/4 tea-spoon each of mustard and paprika and 1/2 cup chopped, stuf-fed olives. Season with salt.
—Mrs. E. L. Buell.
FLORADORA SANDWICHES.
Six tablespoons of chopped, cooked chicken, 3 tablespoons chopped green pepper, 1/2 teaspoon chopped parsley, 2 tablespoons mayonnaise dressing. Salt to taste.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, kindly send a picture to us at indignity@indignity.net.
Thanks for reading INDIGNITY, a general-interest publication for a discerning and self-selected audience. We depend on your support!
