INDIGNITY VOL. 3, NO. 51: A big, prehistoric toothache.
LOST & FOUND DEP'T.
Recently Missing in America
A forklift (from outside Van Siclen Middle School in East New York, New York, in "broad daylight" with classes in session)
A nine-month-old kangaroo (from a home on Sparta, Tennessee)
A 10-foot-by-16-foot tiny house (from a parcel of land in Flamingo Heights, California)
A latrine riser, "including pedestal, toilet seat and lid" (from Lake Elmo State Park in Billings, Montana, the sixth in a string of reported latrine thefts)
A 1955 John Deere 40-V tractor (from the 1400 block of Highway 360 in Palmetto, Louisiana)
An entire colony of 14 black-tailed prairie dogs (from their burrows at the El Paso Zoo in El Paso, Texas, at the end of winter hibernation in 2022, according to a new USDA report)
A golf cart (from West Bay Park in Lewes, Delaware)
Recently Found in America
An African gray parrot (in Santa Ana California, at an address two miles from the porch from which it was stolen)
A high school band trailer (in Alliance Ohio, after the person who'd bought it realized it was stolen property from Akron)
A deer carcass (in the back of a stolen school bus abandoned in Lower Allen Township, Pennsylvania, after a "multi-county" police chase)
A 15-foot red spoon (on the grounds of Marc T. Atkinson Middle School in Phoenix, Arizona, where it was found by a Pokemon Go player, more than a week after it was reported stolen from a local Dairy Queen)
A 3,300-foot volcanic seamount shaped like a tower (underwater about 180 nautical miles off the coast of Cape Mendocino, California)
A collection of "vintage adult magazines" valued at $1,000 (allegedly in the possession of a woman from Norfolk, Nebraska, after they were stolen from Stanton, Nebraska)
A sabertooth cat skull with one fractured sabertooth (by the East Nishnabotna River in Page County, Iowa, in 2017, as described in a new journal article)
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, April 3, 2023
★★★★ How much bigger could the buds get before they let out the leaves? There was no configuration of jackets or coats that would work for the temperature on the trip to school and the forecast for the trip back home. The cool air from the windows couldn't chase off the rubber-cement smell of the fumes from the carpet installation in the stairwell. Two men were walking to a car with fishing poles in hand. Magnolia blossoms were out like vases, sticking up without spreading out. New-planted trees stood brown and bound up by the drifts of gravel on the still unfinished schoolyard. Contrails spread out and bent and crisscrossed all over the lightly haze-touched sky, none of them more meaningful than any other.
EASY LISTENING DEP’T.
The Indignity Morning Podcast is also available via the Apple and Spotify platforms.
SANDWICH DEP’T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of select sandwiches from Ladies’ Aid Cook Book, compiled by the Ladies of the Cumberland Presbyterian Church, Hanford, CA, published in 1903, found in the public domain and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
CELERY SANDWICHES.
Use dainty, little baking powder biscuits, freshly baked, but cold, or white home made bread for these sandwiches. Only the very tender part of the celery should be used, and chopped fine and put in ice water until needed. Add a few chopped walnuts to the celery and enough mayonnaise dressing to hold them together. Butter the bread before cutting from the loaf, spread one slice with the mixture and press another over it. If biscuits are used split and butter them. They should be small, very thin and delicately browned.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, kindly send a picture to us at indignity@indignity.net.
Thanks for reading INDIGNITY, a general-interest publication for a discerning and self-selected audience. We depend on your support!
