INDIGNITY Vol. 3, No. 18: Free-Floating Anxieties.
COLUMN DEP'T.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
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COLUMN DEP’T.
MR WRONG: Free-Floating Anxieties
NOT THAT YOU asked, but I am not worried about the Balloons. I mean, they (The Enemy) have their Balloons and we (Us, as in U.S.) probably have our Balloons, right? I thought the Bad Balloons were coming from Outer Space, because I watch too many spy movies and tend to imagine that stuff is way more complicated than it has to be, but also, it’s kinda cool, my idea of having Balloons coming from Outer Space to do stuff, huh? Space Balloon, Rated R, coming to a streaming service that is not Netflix because they stink and won’t let me get the cheaper “Ad-Supported” version on my Smart TV. Fuck you, Netflix! I hope a Space Balloon lands on your streaming!
Anyway, I feel bad for the hobbyists who lost their Balloon. They weren’t doing anything bad, they were just having a hobby that involved a Balloon, a good, decent Balloon that never did nothing to nobody, and it was probably just floating around, minding its own business, being a Balloon, and BRAT-A-TATTA-TAT-TAT!!!! Down goes Hobby Balloon! I hope the Government—you know, if they’re the ones who shot it down—pays them back for it, but also, that’s some pretty good shooting, eh, allegedly, or whatever? Pow!
The Bad Balloon was floating around with a thing that was the size of a bus, or several bus-sized items that were not a bus, and so that couldn’t have been a tremendous challenge for our Air Force to blast outta the sky, but a Hobby Balloon, how big could it be? Balloons are fun, though, right? I am pro-Balloon.
I hope you aren’t worried about Balloons, seriously. There are so many things to worry about besides my cool idea of Space Balloons and the boring Reality of regular giant Balloons launched from Earth, snore.
Firstly, there are fucking trains falling off train tracks and fucking exploding all over the place! How many of these trains are going to get derailed? And then the tons of chemicals in the container cars can burn and pollute the whole world!?! C’mon, isn’t that a law, don’t shit where you eat? We’re shitting all over the place and the people who work on trains were going on strike to get days off for when they get sick and they got fucked over!
I don’t have what you’d call a Day Job right now, so that’s another thing I can worry about besides a Balloon—also I worry about getting hit by a faulty electric robot car self-driving itself Jesus shit fuck—but I certainly expect to get some goddamn sick days at the next place I work, jeez! What is this, the 1800s? We got actual Train Barons squeezing the workers and going cheap on braking systems for the dangerous contraptions carrying flammable poison cancer chemicals! Write your Congressional Representative! Call them on a Cellular Telephone! TikTok their ass! Make a Tweet while it still sorta works! Tell them to forget the fucking Balloons and worry about the Earth!
Also: guns.
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly wherever it can appear. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com
SANDWICH RECIPE DEP’T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of select sandwiches from The Daisy Recipe Book No. 2, Compiled and Arranged by the Daisy Bible Class, Hyatt Avenue United Church, London, Ontario, 1927, found in the public domain and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
LOG CABIN SANDWICHES
Butter slices of dark brown bread. Place together as sandwiches. Cut sandwiches in strips. Pile strips on plate criss-cross in form of logs and serve with salad.
RIBBON SANDWICHES
To make your entertainments unusual try some of these dainty sandwiches.
One loaf sandwich bread
2 packages of cream cheese
1 can of pimientos chopped fine
1 sweet green pepper, chopped fine
cream or salad dressing to thin
Remove all crust from bread. Cut loaf into five slices lengthwise. Mix one package of cheese with pimientos and thin with cream; mix one package of cheese with green pepper and thin with cream. Spread bread with mixtures, alternating the pimiento-cheese with the pepper-cheese to give the ribbon effect, and press together. Slice bread across in usual way when ready to serve.
If you decide to prepare and enjoy a sandwich inspired by these offerings, kindly send a picture to us at indignity@indignity.net.
INDIGNITY is a general-interest publication for a discerning and self-selected audience. Is it for you? It could be!
