FOOD FRIDAY! What's the price of eggs got to do with the price of eggs?
Indignity Vol. 5, No. 24
DINER SAFARI DEP'T.
Eggs-istential Crisis at the Waffle House
THE OTHER DAY I went to a WAFFLE HOUSE restaurant because I heard about the Egg Tariff. I know, I know, it's not a tariff. Or is it? Hah? Yeah! Anyway, I wanted to eat a waffle, have some eggs, and see what was happening in America, like the "paper of record" does, right?
I googled for the Waffle House nearest to my castle, which is about a 24-minute drive, up out of my Blue-state Dark Blue-city up toward a Red part. No way was I gonna talk to any customers, fuck that, I talked to a coupla people who work there. Namely, my server, Shelby, who was super nice, and really, all four people who worked there were really, really great! I enjoyed wonderful service at my spot at the counter. I pointed to the prominent SURCHARGE sticker on the menus and asked Shelby about the Egg Tariff, and if there had been any negative blowback: "Oh yeah, people got upset. I had one lady tell me she wasn't gonna pay the extra, because her menu didn't have a sticker on it."
We discussed the possibility that the irate customer may have removed the sticker, and then I got back to my All-Star Special™ breakfast, a huge, mostly monochrome spread of waffle, eggs, toast, and City Ham, which I needed clarification on. Apparently—and I feel like this is a question I have asked before and the knowledge did not stay with me— City Ham is different from Country Ham, or whatever the opposite of City Ham is, on account of it is bigger, or it doesn't have a bone, maybe, I kinda dropped the ball on my reporting because I wasn't paying close attention on account of I was trying to measure the size of my eggs-over-easy by comparing them to a pencil.
I am pretty sure, though that City Ham does not have a bone, and Country Ham does, but I am not 100 on this. Indignity regrets the error, but I ate all my City Ham, it was delightful and well-prepared with a hint of burnt/caramelized flavor from the grill. Would recommend!
Also I added on an order of hash browns, which is really, I think the signature item at Waffle House. They come with a list of add-ons (50¢ each) and you can make an entire meal out of a plate of hash browns Smothered, Covered, Chunked, Diced, Peppered, Capped, and Topped. I just got mine plain because I had a lot to eat already.
The last time I was in a Waffle House, in Florida, America, I ordered a T-bone steak and eggs, and I got, what to me, was a scale model of a T-bone steak, maybe 3/4 scale. It was ridiculously teensy, like lambchop-size, and the eggs with it, in my memory, were equally miniature, so in addition to blowing the lid off this whole Egg Tariff, I wanted to uncover a Mini-Egg scandal, but the eggs are legit. I forgot to bring a ruler, so I used a pencil I had, which measured out later at 7.5 inches, and the eggs look like about 5 inches, They are cooked in one of those metal circle-things, like they do at McDonald's, except theirs is a smaller one, for a single egg on your McMuffin. There's nothing to worry about, you will get a pair of full-sized eggs at the Waffle House for your egg-tariff dollar, and I mean, Jesus Christ, we're talking an extra buck, for a limited time only, it won't break you. My whole too-much breakfast was about $15, including coffee and several refills, and I tipped five. Look, don't make the server suffer by shorting them on the tip, it ain't their fault the eggs is too damn high, remember, it's the President of the United States's fault! Impeach the Pres-Egg-Dent!
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, February 6, 2025
★★ New snow lay blue on the cars, trees, and sidewalks in the dawn, and more arriving snow made a blue glow in the lights. Whatever was in the roadway made a crackling sound under tires. The snow held out surprisingly long into daytime, but gradually the curb lane turned to black-gray slush, and then to just wet pavement. Inexorably, the damp and the thaw beat the snow down, even on the undisturbed sidewalk. Lingering drizzle blew on the afternoon air, and a faint melt-fog floated over the pavement.
WHY DON'T THEY MAKE THE WHOLE AIRPLANE OUT OF HOSPITAL FOOD DEP'T.
Putting the “Hospital” in Hospitality
THE BILL OF fare at a local hospital. Just visiting! The staff of Indignity reminds you, if you got your health, you got everything!
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast.
Tom Scocca
Click on this box to find the Indignity Morning Podcast archive.
TOM SCOCCA
ADVICE DEP'T.
GOT SOMETHING YOU need to justify to yourself, or to the world at large? Other columnists are here to judge you, but The Sophist is here to tell you why you’re right. Direct your questions to The Sophist, at indignity@indignity.net, and get the answers you want.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of sandwiches selected from A Book Of Unusual Recipes: Compiled For The Members Of The Parent-Teacher's Association Of Oakton School, Compiled by Mrs. Vincent M. Reed and Alice Eckert Campbell, Evanston, Illinois, available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
Cheese and Olive Sandwich
1/2 cup stuffed chopped olives
1 package Philadelphia cream cheese
Mix thoroughly and spread on thin slices of buttered bread.
—Mrs. R. A. Del Prato.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
