FOOD FRIDAY: All the Girl Scout Cookies we could find and eat, ranked
Indignity Vol. 5, No. 61
FOOD FRIDAY DEP'T.
If There Is a Badge for Eating Girl Scout Cookies I Just Awarded It to Myself
WE LOVE COOKIES, we love Girl Scout Cookies, and we love an excuse to eat a bucketload of cookies for FOOD FRIDAY content! Here we go!
We scored our cookies from the entrepreneurially-inclined scouts of Troop 2439, and we paid straight Retail, in the spirit of influence-free Journalism!
Here are the names and hyperbolic descriptions of the cookies from the Girl Scouts site, and their availability to us for Tasting and Judgment:
Adventurefuls® "Indulgent brownie-inspired cookies topped with caramel flavored crème with a hint of sea salt"
Caramel Chocolate Chip "Gluten free! Chewy cookies with rich caramel, semisweet chocolate chips, and a hint of sea salt"
Caramel deLites® | Samoas® "Crisp cookies with caramel, coconut, and chocolaty stripes"
Lemonades® "Savory, refreshing shortbread cookies topped with a tangy lemon-flavored icing"
Peanut Butter Sandwich | Do-si-dos® "Crunchy oatmeal sandwich cookies with peanut butter filling"
Peanut Butter Patties® | Tagalongs® "Crispy cookies layered with peanut butter and covered with a chocolaty coating"
Thin Mints® "Crisp, chocolate cookies dipped in a delicious mint chocolaty coating"
Toast-Yay!® "Yummy toast-shaped cookies full of French toast flavor and dipped in delicious icing"
Trefoils® "Iconic shortbread cookies inspired by the original Girl Scout Cookie recipe"
NOT AVAILABLE FOR TESTING
INDIGNITY REGRETS THE COOKIE-ERROR:
Girl Scout S'mores® "Crunchy graham sandwich cookies with chocolate and marshmallow filling"
Lemon-Ups® "Crispy lemon cookies baked with inspiring messages"
Toffee-tastic® "Gluten free! Rich, buttery cookies with sweet, crunchy toffee bits"
Helpful cookie info from the GS site:
Why do some cookies look the same but have different names? Each Girl Scout council contracts with one of two licensed bakers, whose recipes and ingredients may differ slightly: ABC Bakers and Little Brownie Bakers. That’s why some of our cookies look the same but have two different names. Whether the package says Peanut Butter Patties® or Tagalongs®, or Samoas® or Caramel deLites®, the cookies are similarly delicious. Contact your local Girl Scout council to find out which Girl Scout Cookies are available in your area.
Gluten free? Try Toffee-tastic and Caramel Chocolate Chip cookies.
Vegan? Try Thin Mints, Peanut Butter Patties, Lemonades, and Toast-Yay! cookies.
Kosher? Halal? Try them all! Every flavor variety is kosher and Halal certified.
Tasting and Judgment
Here they are in pictorial order from finest to least favorite.
Adventurefuls®
Slam dunk winner. Basically almost a candy bar, holy wow. Incredible brownie base and the caramel flavor is slightly burnt, perfect.
Caramel deLites® | Samoas® Classic fave, but if you are anti-coconut, this one is not for you, very coconut-forward.
Peanut Butter Sandwich | Do-si-dos® This sandwich slams you hard with peanut butter power. Make sure you have an accompanying beverage; they are dry, but worth it.
Thin Mints® A classic, best enjoyed from fridge or freezer storage. They always leave us wanting a straight-up York Peppermint Patty. The peppermint is strong, so avoid enjoying these with other flavors, or save 'em until the end, for dessert.
Caramel Chocolate Chip These are perfectly acceptable little chocolate chip cookies, but we found them not to be "chewy," as billed, they were crumbly and kinda dry. Still, they were chocolate chip cookies. There was no significant negative tell, as far as the gluten-freeness went.
Trefoils® The Icon indeed. A simple cookie, perfectly good, absolutely OK. They are fragile, though, not good in the car. Friends, don't eat cookies and drive.
Peanut Butter Patties® | Tagalongs® Not impressed, muddled flavor, neither here nor there. Would eat again, but would look around for something else, just saying.
DO NOT RECOMMEND:
Lemonades® They already have the Lemon-Ups®, which had a nice snappy texture when we were able to get them before. Not sure why you want to make a softer version with weird icing on the bottom. Very furniture-cleaning-solution top note. Don't eat these with other cookies, they will ruin everything.
Toast-Yay!® Yeah, we say Toast-Nay. Decent cinnamon hit, but the frosting is unnecessary. Not memorable, not very French Toast-y.
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, April 3, 2025
★★ Behind the shutters was no morning sun, only headlights on wet pavement. The cool dampness of late morning was ideal for going out for a hot cup of takeout tea. Everything was the color of wet concrete, and the wet concrete was the color of mop water. All day, the air kept getting sticker. Doves burbled in a heightening frenzy. The air conditioning in the neighborhood market was harsh.
SIDE PIECES DEP'T.
YESTERDAY FOR FLAMING Hydra, Tom wrote about watching the price of Tesla shares fluctuate:
Tom Scocca
To look for cause and effect in the TSLA price—to look for any meaning at all—is to grapple with phantoms. There are occasional identifiable events: when Donald Trump was elected and Musk entered the inner circle of American governmental power, the stock went sharply upward; once Trump and Musk started actually governing the country, the stock went back down to where it had been before. But most of the movement is inscrutable.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast!
Tom Scocca
CLICK ON THIS box to find the Indignity Morning Podcast archive.
TOM SCOCCA
ADVICE DEP'T.
GOT SOMETHING YOU need to justify to yourself, or to the world at large? Other columnists are here to judge you, but The Sophist is here to tell you why you’re right. Direct your questions to The Sophist, at indignity@indignity.net, and get the answers you want.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected from Prague Chapter Book Of Recipes, compiled by Marie Paidar and Blanche Kammerer, published in 1922, and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
SARDELLEN APPETIZER — One-fourth pound sardellen, one-fourth pound fresh butter (scant); one-fourth teaspoon parsley, chopped fine; twelve small slices fresh rye bread or toast, two hard cooked eggs. Soak sardellen in cold water four hours, remove bones. Take equal parts of sardellen and fresh butter, creamed. Chop sardellen fine, mix with the butter, add the parsley, and spread on fresh rye bread or toast. Separate egg, chop white fine and rice the yolk, and decorate sandwiches with alternate rows; or soak one-half pound sardellen, bone and mash them, and add two tablespoons Neufchatel cheese, two tablespoons sweet butter, a little grated onion, a pinch cayenne pepper. Spread on thin slices of toast.
CECELIA BARTA.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
