Dog cop quits the force
Indignity Vol. 4, No. 187
LOST & FOUND DEP'T.
The Election Heads for the Sewers
Recently Found in America
A dead javelina (in a parking lot in the business district of Tucson, Arizona, killed by a single gunshot)
A t-shirt reading "Boats 'N Hoes," commemorating the movie Step Brothers (on a man on the street in Eugene, Oregon, after the woman who owned the shirt told police she'd found an intruder in her apartment wearing it)
The world's largest pine tree, by volume (at an undisclosed location in Yosemite National Park)
A 47-inch orange plastic penguin (in a dumpster outside the Cherokee County Welcome Center on I-85 in Blacksburg, South Carolina, after being stolen from the St. Louis branch of the 21c Museum Hotel chain)
"About a dozen" mail-in Florida election ballots (in or around a storm drain in Orange County Florida, after someone reportedly robbed a community mailbox)
Debris from an ATM (along the roadway between Fresno, California, and Clovis, California, after thieves drove an SUV through the front of a nail salon, tied a rope around the ATM there, and drove off dragging it)
Recently Missing in America
Two rabbits, a large gray one and a smaller black-and-white one (from a home in Steelton, Pennsylvania)
A gold necklace (from a woman's neck outside her home in Redwood City, California, after a passerby reportedly put another medallion on her, claimed to be making a blessing, and took both necklaces)
An iPad containing the Los Angeles Rams' playbook (from a car that offensive tackle Connor McDermott had parked in a residential neighborhood in Los Angeles)
An orange tabby cat (from a hardware store in Granby, Colorado, two years after having previously disappeared and reappeared in Denver)
A pair of black Nike Air Jordan 4's (from a teen trying to resell them online in Lincoln, Nebraska, after three men reportedly robbed him at gunpoint)
A German shorthaired pointer (from K-9 duty with the Davis County, Utah, Sheriff's Office, after the one-year-old dog ran away while on the job)
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, October 27, 2024
★★★★ A man walked along the avenue in a pompom hat. A blue jay hopped in the branches of the honeylocust against a deep blue sky. The children went out to fetch lunch from the Japanese street fair and came back reporting that the wind had blown away some of the bonito flakes. The sun was low but brilliant but low. Light shone through the russet leaves on the Broadway median, a waving American flag with a Mexican flag behind it, and the veil of smoke from the grills. The colors intensified; pockets of fallen honeylocust leaves radiated gold. The buildings looked like folk-art-influenced paintings of themselves.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast.
Tom Scocca
Click on this box to find the Indignity Morning Podcast archive.
TOM SCOCCA
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE ARE DELIGHTED to again present instructions in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected from 'Please, M'm, The Butcher!': A Complete Guide To Catering For The Housewife Of Moderate Means, With Menus Of All Meals For A Year, Numerous Recipes, And Fifty-Two Additional Menus Of Dinners Without Meat, by Beatrice Guarracino, published in 1903, and now in the Public Domain and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
Hot Ham Sandwich
Bread.
Cold Ham.
Grated Parmesan CHeese.
Pepper.
2 ozs. Butter.
Cut slices of Bread and slices of Ham as nearly as possible the same size, having one more slice of Bread than Ham. Lay a slice of Bread at the bottom of a saucepan, then a slice of Ham, then a slice of Bread, then a slice of Ham, and so on, finishing with a slice of Bread; scatter the Grated Cheese freely, and a dust of the Pepper, between each slice. Fry in the butter until brown. Serve very hot.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
MARKETING DEP'T.
We are down to the last 13 copies of the second printing of 19 Folktales, still available for gift-giving and personal perusal! The nights are getting chilly and longer, but the stories are each concise enough to read before your bedtime tea cools off.
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