Catch and Release
Indignity Vol. 4, No. 77
LOST & FOUND DEP'T.
Recently Missing in America
Newport cigarettes (from two different convenience stores in Pittsylvania County, Virginia, after two separate early morning break-ins)
Two sewer cameras, two sewer-clearing cable machines, two sewer-cleaning water jet machines, three pipefitting tool kits, and other plumbing equipment valued at more than $30,000 (from two vans parked behind a plumbing-and-heating company in Sylacauga, Alabama)
A four-foot-long emotional-support alligator named Wally (from a back yard in Brunswick, Georgia, on a visit from his home in York Haven, Pennsylvania, after which he was reportedly put in another yard as a prank, captured by a trapper from the Georgia Department of Natural Resources, and released in the wild)
A set of handmade quilts (from the back of a pickup truck where they'd been mounted in preparation for the Apple Blossom Grand Parade in Wenatchee, Washington, after they came loose on a turn near Cherry and Miller streets)
PlayStations and other gaming consoles (from the arcade prize section at the Wausau On Water Family Entertainment Center in Wausau, Wisconsin, after a break-in)
More than 130 ostriches (from a ranch in Valley Mills, Texas, after flooding on the Bosque River)
Four boat motors (from four boats found at a landscaping company in Cape Carteret, North Carolina, after three of the four boats had been reported stolen from around the region)
Recently Found in America
An orange tabby cat named Charles (near Blue Mounds State Park in Luverne, Minnesota, 10 days after leaving the house where he lived, during which time he was caught in a rabbit trap and released in the woods by the trapper)
Three invasive Asian longhorned ticks (in Morgan County, Illinois, during tick surveillance)
A Valor Corps .25 caliber automatic pistol (in the middle of 12 Mile Road in Sparta, Michigan, after having been reported stolen in Sparta in 1969)
The fossilized skull and jaws of a 65-million-year-old archaic ungulate, of a species called Militocodon lydae (in south-facing formations of sandstone, siltstone, and claystone in the Corral Bluffs area of El Paso County, Colorado)
A zebra mare named Shug (in the woods in Riverbend, King County, Washington, six days after escaping with three other zebras from a trailer that broke down on Interstate 90 near North Bend, Washington, en route from Winlock, Washington, to Anaconda, Montana)
A grenade (in a backpack in a U-Haul pickup truck in Muncie, Indiana, according to police who pulled over the truck after it was reported stolen)
The wreck of the 195-foot wooden steamship Adella Shores (under 650 feet of water at the bottom of Lake Superior, 40 miles north of Whitefish Point, Michigan, after it disappeared with 14 crew aboard in 1909, having previously sunk twice in shallow water)
SIDE PIECES DEP'T.
For Defector, I wrote about the thoughtless brutality of the response to campus antiwar protests:
The haunting thing about each burst of brutality has been the way that nobody behind the crackdown really seems sincerely invested in what they're doing, or to believe they might have to account for the nonexistence of outside agitators or the difference between a bicycle lock and a professional-grade terrorist implement. Sen. Tom Cotton didn't mean a word of his rant about "little Gazas" full of people "violently and illegally demanding death for Israel." Cotton knows the students aren't harming anyone, but he also knows that the public he's cultivated enjoys hearing stories about fear and retribution.
And for Flaming Hydra, I wrote about how machines keep seizing control from the people trying to use them:
I was on my way up and out of town, following Google's orders to get to the Palisades Parkway in a rented Toyota Prius, when I hit a little bit of traffic—hardly any traffic, the bare minimum reminder that there's never a good way out of Manhattan—and I moved my foot from the gas to the brake, automatically, as one does. An instant before I pressed the brake pedal, the car started slowing down.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
Click on this box to see the options for enjoying today's Indignity Morning Podcast!
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP’T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected from Mrs. Ericsson Hammond's Salad Appetizer Cook Book, by Maria Matilda Ericsson Hammond. Published in 1924, and now in the Public Domain and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
Saumort fume au Concombre a la Gimo
For Eight Persons
One large cucumber, half pound of smoked salmon, three tablespoons of butter, eight slices of bread, a pinch of mustard, cayenne pepper and salt.
How to Make It. Peel the cucumber with a fluted knife; cut both ends off, scoop out all the insides of the cucumber and fill. Spread bread with butter and the cut off part of the cucumber that has been chopped fine; cut out with a round patty cutter. Slice the cucumber evenly; put a slice of it in the center of each sandwich. Decorate on it in the center with two strips of truffles crossed and all around with diamonds of smoked salmon, stirred butter, and truffles; drip some aspic on the sandwiches to glaze them. Arrange them on a platter in the form of a ring and garnish with parsley. Serve before the soup.
Filling for the Cucumber. Stir the butter to a cream (leaving part of it for decoration); add the finely chopped salmon, mustard, pepper, salt; color with some butter coloring to make the filling the shade of salmon and stuff the cucumber. Leave on ice until ready to serve.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
MARKETING DEP'T.
Supplies are running low of the second printing of 19 FOLK TALES, still available for gift-giving and personal perusal! Sit in the gathering heat with a breezy collection of stories, each of which is concise enough to read before the sun gets high.
HMM WEEKLY MINI-ZINE, Subject: GAME SHOW, Joe MacLeod’s account of his Total Experience of a Journey Into Television, expanded from the original published account found here at Hmm Daily. The special MINI ZINE features other viewpoints related to an appearance on, at, and inside the teevee game show Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, available for purchase at SHOPULA.
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